Looking for answers (Roe)

[Isabella]

Isabella smiled at the look of plain surprise on Roe’s face after she kissed him. Though he was somewhat startled, he did not seem displeased about it. She laughed at what he said he required of her, given what he had said earlier about Morgan Fitzroy.
“Agreed,” she replied, “No matter how ‘appreciative and understanding’ he is.”
His comment about dispatching her husband made her smile, because now he seemed so unimportant and far away from her. Before she might have gone quiet or got angry with Roe, but she hadn’t seen Thornton for months, and he hadn’t even come looking for her in that time. She was hopeful that he’d decided to leave her alone – and besides, she had Guy’s protection – and Roe’s.
“Why, I was about to suggest that myself, seeing as you’re handy with a sword,” she replied.
“Or two,” she added, remembering how he’d fought when they helped to get Djaq safely out of Nottingham Castle.
“Well, it’s been a while since I had a proper birthday,” she said truthfully, for the last birthday she’d celebrated was her thirteenth, “I’m starting to lose count of how many I’ve had now. I think I’m thirty, or maybe I’ve just aged very well.”

[Roe]

He smiled, both in appreciation for the kiss and her agreement about the knight at the castle. "Especially if he is too appreciative and understanding," he responded. He was glad that his comment about Sir Thornton generated a smile of what he though was appreciation as well.

She was even able to respond with a witty comment about how many swords he would be able to use, and he smiled right back. "I think that he is one of the few people alive today who I would not only enjoy inserting a sword or two in, but after rotating them after their body is penetrated. A few moments of the most intense pain possible is just payment for the years of pain he caused you,“ he said quite seriosly.

"I have heard that it is not a proper thing to either ask a lady's age, or even guess at it. Besides, it does not matter, since you have aged very well, indeed. I think you must improve with age, especially in comparison to an old soldier like myself," he laughed.

[Isabella]

At Roe’s remark about Fitzroy being too attentive, Isabella wondered with some amusement if he was at all jealous of Fitzroy and protective of her. A few minutes ago, he was telling her that she should become more acquainted with the Prince’s half-brother, and now, he said she shouldn’t. It reminded her that what people said and what they actually meant were often two very different things, and she intended to remind Roe of this.
“So now he isn’t the ‘direction I should be applying myself in’, it seems,” she observed, “Interesting how in the course of a few minutes you’ve managed to change your mind.”
Isabella shrugged, grinning triumphantly.
“Well, you wanted to see how strong my power of persuasion really is,” she commented, “And though it normally stops at you, evidently, it doesn’t always.”
She realised how serious Roe was about Thornton, and knew that he was only person who really understood the full hatred she felt for that man.
“I’ve spent seventeen years waiting for someone to do that,” she told him solemnly, wondering who the other few people were upon whom he wished the same grisly fate.
However, her seriousness lifted at what he said about it being improper to ask or guess at a lady’s age.
“No matter how improper it is, people do do it,” she said, “Which is true of many things, it would appear.”
She was thinking of a variety of ‘things’ when she spoke, though mostly one that she’d just done and was still a little surprised that she had.
“You haven’t aged badly yourself,” she told Roe teasingly, “Though I think you might have a few grey hairs growing through.”

[Roe]

Roe thought that she was at least somewhat amused by his comments about Fitzroy. In truth, he did think that she should be able to associate with anyway she chose to, no matter what he might think of them. He thought, as well, that he was of a rank in the nobility, that she would be deserving of. There was something, however, that he found somewhat disconcerting about, although he had found him an easy enough person to like on some level. With all that being said, he wasn't all that comfortable with another man keeping company with her, alone. Roe was unsure if it was a result of brotherly-like protection on his part, or if he might be actually jealous of another paying her attention in private.

For a moment Roe re-considered what he had just said to her, quickly recognizing the contradiction. Somewhat sheepishly he said, “They may indeed seem to be points-of-view that are opposite. However, one represents one where I had your best interests at heart, and the other, what I would personally like to see you do, or not do, in this case."

He could see easily, how proud of herself she suddenly was. She did not seem to be the nervous girl of a few minutes previous, but a self-confident woman. "I have no doubts about your powers of persuasion milady .... you were able to work them quite effectively, even from a very young age. I just had no great experience in seeing them applied on others until I got to watch you in action as the official greeter at the castle. You are quite powerful in that regard and not to be underestimated."

"You have no reason to wait any longer .... it is just the opportunity that would have to present itself. Just say the word and I would most happily search him out and deal with him. Or .... I could wait on him to most stupidly make an appearance hear and dispatch him .... quite quickly or tortuously slow, depending on my Isabella's wishes."

Roe agreed that there were many things that people did that were either improper or ill-advised and he shook his head slowly in the affirmative. "That is a compliment I am not sure that I am deserving of milady. The amazing thing is that with all I have seen and experienced on the battlefield that there are not more of those grey hairs. I do hope that you don't supply me with too many. Or do you have some actions that you are planning that might give me a few more," he asked.

[Isabella]

Isabella was interested that Roe didn’t want her to spend too much time with Fitzroy. Perhaps he was concerned that she might like the Prince’s half-brother more than him. Though that was not at all possible – she thought he was likeable, but nothing more. Roe, on the other hand… Still, he could just be watching out for her, though from his slightly uncomfortable tone, she guessed it was a combination of the two. He said that one view was with her best interests at heart, and the other was what he personally wanted her to do.
“Well, I’m more inclined to do the latter, then,” she said.
She smiled at his compliment that she had always had strong powers of persuasion, and had seen them in action recently when she greeted visitors to the castle.
“I prefer to think of myself as being persuasive, though others have called me manipulative in the past,” Isabella commented, thinking that she must have been very trying as a child, “But I had no idea I had an audience when I was welcoming new guests to the castle.”
Roe confused her with what he said about Thornton, and she contemplated it seriously. Yes, she hated the man, yes, she would like to see him dead, but telling Roe to kill him… she couldn’t put his life at risk. All murderers were hanged, and besides, blame would fall on her by default. She was by far the most obvious person to want Thornton dead, which was why she hadn’t already done it. Tempting as it was, she didn’t want to lose everything. She had a better life in Nottingham that she wanted to keep hold of. She shook her head.
“If I thought I could be rid of him and get away with it, I would have done it years ago,” she told him, “But it isn’t possible. I do it and I’m hanged. You do it, you’re hanged and so am I for plotting. I’d be a fool not to see that it isn’t worth it.”
Isabella frowned when Roe spoke about is grey hairs.
“Me, supply you with grey hairs? I don’t know what you think I could be planning, Roe.”

[Roe]

Roe hoped that it was not too obvious that he didn't want her spending too much time with Fitzroy. He seemed to be a likable enough chap, but when it came to nobles, you always had to be careful as to what their motives actually were. He just wasn't comfortable with him yet, and if there was one thing that Roe had always hated, was surprises. He;d always been like that. A surprise always involved a change from the expected, and in Roe's experience that had generally been a bad thing. He was wondering whether she would just be careful because he had asked her to, or would she look at it as just a game she was playing with him?

He was happy to see that she was more inclined to do what he desired. Roe smiled back, "That, of course pleases me, but I would not want to encourage you to do something that you really wanted to." She did seem to appreciate having her skills recognized, which he knew was only natural. "Your skills, both of persuasion and otherwise, are considerable, as I've said to you before."

Roe tried his best to look quite serious, while he said "and what else exactly would I want to observe other than the Lady Isabella in action, eh. I would never say manipulative, although with some there is a fine line between the two. I, for one, have never been manipulated, to the best of my knowledge. However, I'm sure I would appreciate your 'manipulation' if it was ever offered," he laughed.

Roe often wondered exactly what she had gone through at the hands of of sometimes-mentioned husband. He sensed that it was not something she liked to talk about, let alone remember. Roe did not like to dredge up old memories if they were bad ones, especially for Isabella. As a result he tended to stay away from any subject that was going to bother her, unless there was no avoiding it.

He saw her shake her head and try to dissuade him of it. "Calm yourself, Isabella. I am neither a foolish man, nor an experienced once. I know how such things are done, and how they are arranged. I find it interesting that after holding you for so long that he did not try to find you. I would be a bit worried, that you taking such a public role would not come to his attention, or someone that knows him, and then informs him. I think that it my present him with some uncomfortable and embarrassing questions from his fellow nobles. We all know how important perceptions are to some, and how they may cause them to act. Just make sure that you are prepared for sudden appearances."

Roe laughed once more. "My dear Lady Isabella, I am always worrying about you. I have a wide range of issues with you .... what you will do to me .... as well as what trouble that you might get into .... especially with the outlaws. Why .... are you planning something I should be aware of?"

[Isabella]

Isabella thought Roe’s concern about Fitzroy was a little overprotective. She was more than capable of taking care of herself, which she hoped he had noticed by now. Moreover, the Prince’s half-brother didn’t pose much of a threat. He seemed nice enough to spend some of her time with, though she regarded that as a necessity and not a pleasure, and would only do it if the need presented itself to her. She doubted he would cause her much trouble, if she continued to be the amiable lady he knew her to be. But it was wiser to put Roe’s mind at rest on the matter – she was careful about her acquaintances, in any case, and besides, there was something enjoyable in gently taunting him about it.
She smiled at his serious face as he asked what apart from her in action he would want to watch. She was glad that he agreed she wasn’t manipulative, but wondered somewhat as to the truth of his statement that he had never been manipulated. Someone who was good at influencing others did it without their noticing it. And she was willing to bet that Thea Linnet could be very good at it. Though whether that applied to Roe was another question. Isabella frowned when he said that he would appreciate her ‘manipulation’ if it was offered.
“And what exactly would you use my abilities for?” she asked.
She knew he was right about Thornton; her stay at Nottingham Castle had drawn attention to her, and the estranged nature of their marriage was now well-known. It would be embarrassing to her husband to be the subject of gossip. That was partly why she had accepted the position at the castle – she could do little more than put him to some unease, and she wanted him to be uncomfortable. He could show up at any time to teach her what he called respect. She shuddered at the memories of what he’d done to secure her obedience.
“If he comes, I’ll be ready for a fight,” Isabella vowed.
Roe’s talk of how she worried him set her laughing once more. He was concerned about several things: what she’d do to him and what trouble she’d get herself into with the outlaws.
“What I’ll do to you? I’m not even sure of that myself,” she said, “You know I have a habit of getting into trouble, but I manage to dig my way out of it more often than not.”
She raised one eyebrow at what he asked next.
“Nothing you should be aware of, no,” she told him teasingly, “At least, not yet. I’m sure we’ll come to that later.”
She winked and bit her lip.

[Roe]

Roe paused momentarily, considering whether he was making much sense, actually. One moment he was encouraging her to see the noble, and then the next he was trying to discourage. Fighting in the Crusades, or even fighting around the castle, guards and otherwise, was far simpler than dealing with females. He should have remembered that, he sighed. "Its really not my place to even suggest who you see or not see. As far as Royals go, from what I have seen so far, he does not appear to be another Prince John, at any rate. I would guess that you know what's best .... you have a lot more experience dealing with nobles .... at least in a social sense," he smiled.

When they were talking about the differences between persuasion and manipulation Roe noticed that she had a strange look on her face, as if she was thinking about something or someone in particular. he wondered if something had reminded her of her husband. In any case, he saw, that her expression changed quickly, and she decided to move the conversation off into a slightly different direction. He did see that she did not appreciate the term manipulation being directed towards her.

"Don't take that the wrong way .... manipulation ... is just a pay on words .... a figure of speech. Besides its not a question of how I would use your abilities, its a question of how you would want to use them. Any any ideas? .... of course that's only a hypothetical question, isn't it?"

Their conversation had shifted back over to her husband now, he realized. He could see her tremble slightly as she apparently recalled unpleasant memories of her marriage with Thornton. He was not glad that she had gone through those many years of hardship, but he was glad that it had brought her to Nottingham. If not, he doubted whether he would have been likely to ever have seen her again. He reached out for her hand, and told her "you shouldn't dwell on bad memories from your past .... I hope the present and future is more agreeable."

He was quite sure she could be quite tenacious, and assumed that Thornton would have his hands full if he ever did return. "I'm sure if you do get into trouble, it'll be for a good cause, and besides ... I'll be around to get you out of it, eh," completely ignoring her comment about what she might do to him.

He was glad to hear that she was contemplating anything immediately, but here comment indicated that she might be considering .... something, especially when she winked. "I wonder what she could mean by that," he said under his breath.

[Isabella]

Isabella nodded in appreciation when Roe told her that she probably knew what was best regarding her acquaintances with nobles. She was glad he realised that she could keep herself safe, but was not annoyed with his concern. It was funny to see how he tried to deal with the topic; to her, he seemed to be floundering with it a bit. Well, he didn’t have that much experience with women – not until recently, she supposed.
She hadn’t meant to appear like she had taken what he said about manipulation the wrong way. She knew he didn’t mean to cause her any offense, and now he was trying to avoid an argument. Isabella was the one floundering now.
“Oh, no I didn’t actually… I mean, I got the play on words thing, at least, I think I did,” she faltered.
She would have continued in that vein had he not then taken her hand and said that she shouldn’t think of the unhappy past, and he hoped the present and future was better than that.
“Infinitely more agreeable,” she smiled, trying to forget about Thornton.
Roe assured her he’d be around to get her out of trouble if that man did ever come for her.
“I’ve only ever got in trouble for a good reason,” she said, “Though it must be said, you were often the one getting me out of it back in Locksley.”
She thought he looked concerned about something, then realised it was probably the wink. She’d managed to worry him, and she wondered what he thought she meant by it. He had probably taken it the wrong way if his expression was anything to go by.
“Relax,” she told him, though it was normally the other way round with them, “It was only a joke!”

[Roe]

Roe was not surprised when she nodded in agreement that she knew best. In this case he was sure that she did, because of her social experience at this level. He also knew that whatever the situation was that she was always going to believe that she had the right answer. This was actually one of those times that she not only believed she was right, but actually was. Spending a considerable portion of the first ½ of his life as a commoner and an apprentice, and the other ½ fighting various battles across Europe and the Holy Land had only provided him a bit above the minimum required of the social graces. He wondered, compared to others that she ran across, what she actually saw in him.

As he took her hand he tried to reassure her, “Its all right, I always had faith in your understanding and your intelligence, as well as your sense of humor. You had to have a good one to put up with my jokes, eh?,” he smiled.

He thought her smile was just as beautiful as when they were teenagers. It just seemed that she didn’t do it very often, or rather, it was the forced smile that she had to put on at the castle, and her real one. He was glad to hear that the present was so much better than her past had been, but he supposed that was not too difficult to improve upon, he reckoned.

“And could you list those ‘good reasons’ milady, or would they be a state secret, perhaps,” he said with a wry smile. “Well …. perhaps it was an early version of the knight’s credo …. to protect and to serve. Someone had to do it …. It surely wasn’t likely to be Guy!”

He had learned that her winks generally meant some kind of mischief. Even with her disclaimer he had learn not to take words at face value, especially with her. “I have found in the past that the trouble-making temptation can sometimes get the best of you Lady Isabella. So, you have to forgive me if I am just a little suspicious. It only a healthy regard for the unknown and unexpected, wouldn’t you say,” he said with probably the most cheeky expression he had managed in some time.

[Isabella]

Isabella smiled at the way Roe put his compliments, especially after she’d been floundering. She probably would have continued to dig herself deeper unless he’d stepped in and said that. Of course she liked it; everyone wanted to be appreciated, but it was different when someone she cared about said it, not just a noble who was visiting the castle. She didn’t believe what they said to compliment her; they didn’t know her at all. But Roe, on the other hand, did – and what was more, he wasn’t just interested in stepping up the political ladder in Nottingham. He made her feel respected, loved even, and it had been a long time since she had felt that way. She hoped it was the same for him.
She pulled a face when he asked her to catalog the good reasons she had for getting into trouble.
“I’m afraid that if I listed them, they’d look a good deal less like good reasons, and much more like very bad ones,” Isabella replied, “But I am grateful you got me out of trouble, whatever the cause was. I hope I went some way to making you a knight.”
What he said next reminded her a lot of the fair-haired boy he had been, though not as much as the mischievous grin that accompanied it.
“I haven’t seen that face for a long time,” she told him.

[Roe]

Roe was always a bit apprehensive about how Isabella would react to to things. It wasn't just that she was a bit impulsive, but she was quite unpredictable as well. He sometimes had the feeling that she was purposely unpredictable, just to make her to difficult to figure out. He was glad then, to see that his words had brought a smile to her face, a that least for a short time. The smile was different fro m the practiced one that she commonly used at the castle. This one lit up her whole face, as it had done years ago when they were both in Locksley. He knew that it was a sign that she was opening herself up to him again, which he knew she didn't like to do since it made her feel somewhat vulnerable.

When he asked her the question about getting into trouble, she supplied him with the most humorous of faces, almost the pouting she had used as a young girl. "Ah, and I was so hopeful that I would have not only made the list, but finished near the top of it," he said with feigned disappointment. "I expect they would have all been good ones the way that you think everything through pretty carefully. Except for me, of course. I would always be a bad reason. Well ... its good that my presence served a positive role ..... at times anyway," he laughed again as we took another swig of his ale.

Roe supposed that she had pushed her in that direction. He also knew that given the fact that he had started out in life as a noble that that had given him some incentive to become a knight as well. His dream of meeting Isabella on the same social level sometime later in life was an incentive as well he knew. He found her next comment to be interesting, as well as something that he had not considered. "Well .... with someone who knows me as well as you do perhaps I don't feel as worried or defensive about showing at least some of my emotions and what I'm really thinking, like I did those years ago. However, even then, I had learned to hide much from others. I had to much pain and hurt to show it too plainly, as I still do."

[Isabella]

Isabella grinned at what Roe said about her reasons for getting into trouble; he hoped he was near the top of the list. In truth, he was number one. When they were children, he’d always manage to cause some mischief, with her embroiled in it. But he would always be there to get her out of a tight spot. And now she’d met him again, the same thing was happening. Falling in love was the most trouble anyone could be in. It was a minefield of hazards, especially to Isabella, and if anyone in her life had brought that upon her, it was him.
“It goes without saying you’re at the top of the list,” she told him, “And as for good or bad reason, I couldn’t tell which you are. Probably a bit of both.”
But when Roe next spoke, it was with seriousness. He told her that he wasn’t so worried about her knowing what he was thinking, though he still felt too much pain for anyone to truly see it. She hadn’t looked at it that way before. To her, Roe’s reluctance to give anything away had been frustrating at times, but it was matched only by her own. They both had scars, both had secrets, but they kept them hidden from the rest of the world. However much Roe knew about her past, it still wasn’t everything, and the same went for her. Some things were just too painful to talk about. It was best not to dredge up the past, if they could help it. Isabella realised that there were always going to be things in their lives that were left unsaid, no matter how open with one another they were. She wouldn’t put him through the hurt of the past again, and she hoped that neither would he. As he said, the present and the future were much more agreeable than the past.
“Listen,” she began, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell anyone all that’s happened to me, and I don’t expect you will, either. But as far as honesty goes, you know me better than anyone else does, and I think – I hope – you always will.”
The words were tumbling out of her now, and she couldn’t stop them.
“Even if you married a young lady tomorrow and I went to a picnic with a nobleman in revenge. (And don’t put that past me.),” she added, “What I mean is, I could just stay friends with you, but that wouldn’t be enough. I wanted more and I still do now.”
She stopped, amazed at how passionately she had spoken.
“I know what I ask for is not reasonable,” she added, “So tell me to stop if you want.”

[Roe]

Roe took a few moments to think back in time, back when they were kids. He saw her grin and realized she remembered many of the same incidents. They were quite accomplished about finding trouble with little effort. He realized that most of the time he had been the one who got her into trouble, and had to be the one to get her out. He had been unable to get her out of trouble, though, when she had needed him most, he thought. She was all grown up now, yet he wondered whether she thought about any of the trouble he could get her into if she stuck to close to him.

He laughed at he next comment and explanation. "Well .... I'm glad I'm at the top of somebody's list, even though you're not exactly sure where I belong."

When he had started talking Roe had no real idea of where it was going. All he knew was that he felt quite comfortable talking to Isabella about things he would never talk to others about, even the outlaws. She knew him better than anyone else, and probably knew, deep down, that he really had not changed that much from the boy that she had known those many years ago. He had just grown up and seen and experienced things that he would have rather not. It meant that he had secrets, just as he knew that she had secrets that she would not want to ever reveal, even to him. He believed, though, that they could open up with each other, and at least from his perspective, the ale didn't hurt in taking away some of his inhibitions.

Despite the ease with which they could talk, though, it didn't mean that he, or she, was going to offer up all of the things that he had to hide. There were some things, he realized, that just hurt too much to talk about, even to her. Besides, if they were going to have a future, as friends, or even something more, it was the future and not the past that they should build upon.

While he was thinking about what he should say and how he should phrase how he felt she asked a question that through him a bit off stride. “Listen, .... I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell anyone all that’s happened to me, and I don’t expect you will, either. But as far as honesty goes, you know me better than anyone else does, and I think – I hope – you always will. Even if you married a young lady tomorrow and I went to a picnic with a nobleman in revenge. What I mean is, I could just stay friends with you, but that wouldn’t be enough. I wanted more and I still do now. I know what I ask for is not reasonable, so tell me to stop if you want.”

Roe had to take several moments to digest everything that she had said, decide what he believed, and come up with an answer that didn't make him seem foolish. "Isabella, that's a lot to absorb and figure out. We're not exactly ordinary people. Our positions in the castle don't make any relationship very easy. First, I accept that you know me better than anyone does, and anyone is ever likely to. Second, I don't know if, given that, we would ever be able to just be friends, given what has taken place between us in the past. It might be too painful .... if you know what I mean. I don't think you would say you would want more, if you didn't think I feel the same way, and I do. So, you'd better not stop," he looked up slowly into her eyes with the beginnings of a grin spreading across his face.

[Isabella]

Roe’s silence unnerved Isabella. She knew he was working out what to say next. After all of this, was he just trying to come up with a way of letting her down that he hoped wouldn’t hurt her too much? Then he spoke, and she knew that what he said was true – no, they weren’t ordinary people, not in the slightest. They had both seen things and done things that had changed them, out of recognition to most people, but not to one another. Roe was in charge of the guards in Nottingham Castle, and she was the lady of it. They were bound to cross paths and have to keep up the pretence that they only vaguely knew one another. Their situation was difficult, and full of potential hazards. If anyone found out… well, they both knew what would happen then. But it still didn’t stop her from wanting this. Didn’t he want it too?
Then he continued, saying that he doubted that they would ever be able to be just friends after all that had happened between them. And he felt the same way, so she’d better not stop. Isabella returned his grin.
“Believe me, I won’t,” she said, biting her lip.
Then she kissed him again, this time on the lips. She pulled away quickly – though she didn’t think anyone had noticed that, seeing as they were at the back of the inn, she couldn’t be too careful.
“I’ve really got to get out of the habit of doing that,” she noted, unable to keep the smile off her face.