Looking for answers (Roe)

[Roe]

Roe thought that Isabella had that look in her eye, where she was wondering exactly what he was thinking, and of course, thoughts those thoughts pertained to her in some way. Of course that was really why she was so interested to figure them out. However, Roe knew this was a game they played, and one he was very good at. he was oh so good at throwing people off the proper trail. He thought, if history was any guide, it meant that she was intent on hiding something she did not to reveal. What it was, was anybody's guess. At least the ale was a good blind. Watching him drink it made some think his reaction time and thought processes were significantly reduced.

He could see that she didn't mind him mentioning the obvious, such as her temper. However, it was obvious that her feelings toward her husband of 17 years were quite distinct, and she regarded that time to be a sort of living hell, at least for her. It was something that had to be endured and not overcome. He gave her a slight smile when he described the consequences of being a fool when it came to her. He had made it a distinct objective not to achieve the consequences of making her or her brother a fool.

After explaining that she never gave out penalties that weren't deserved, Roe thought she was making the point that circumstantial evidence and appearances made her react the way she had. It was probably the closest thing to an apology that he would ever get. He was not expecting to get one, but he understood entirely the way she had acted. However, he still felt there was more going on here. He smiled, knowing that it probably frustrated her that he had not spoken much to explain himself, and just kept consuming the ale.

[Isabella]

Isabella frowned at Roe’s silence, wondering what its cause was. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes when she realised: it was her. Despite the ale, Roe must have been able to tell that there was something she was omitting to say, and decided to keep quiet so she could say it. Or maybe he was just trying to infuriate her. She really didn’t know anyone who could do that quite as well as he could. Although Carter came a close second.
Taking this in hardened Isabella’s resolve not to tell him anything. Two can play at that game, she thought, narrowing her eyes. She knew how childish the two of them were being, but was too stubborn to do anything about it. If her confrontation with Thea had been a battle of wills, then this was fast becoming one, too.
“You know, it does me good to keep a few things to myself, Roe,” Isabella commented, “Just to keep people guessing. You do it often enough yourself to understand that, even if it is incredibly frustrating for everyone else. And I’m sure you know me well enough to know that I can be incredibly frustrating.”
She was determined to win this battle against Roe. But this wasn’t the only fight she was in now. There were others, whether she wanted to be in them or not. She was fighting a war here. She sat up straight, as if ready for action, expressing her obstinacy with every inch of her being. There was no way Roe was going to find out what she was thinking.

[Roe]

Roe continued to drink his ale. It had been some time since he had had ample opportunity to just drink, and enjoy himself. Often, because of his sometimes intimidating appearance, it would not encourage anyone to join him at his preferred table, and he could enjoy himself in the relative shadows of the back of the Tripp. Unfortunately, such things never seemed to inhibit Isabella from barging in. He was not about to reward her interruption with whatever information she was seeking to find or to misdirect him from some piece of information she was trying to hide. Although she was currently an ally to the outlaws, that did not mean that she would be forever. Often, he knew, as a Gisbourne, she was operating on her own agenda, whether it be for the good or bad, one rarely knew.


He always could tell though, when she was getting frustrated with either his lack of communication,or the fact that he knew that there was something she was hiding from him, or both. "So, is that why you have traveled down here to the trip .... to keep me guessing .... or is it because of the wide range of drink choices that they have available, as opposed to the castle ..... or is it simply the enticing atmosphere that is available here?"

“You know, it does me good to keep a few things to myself, Roe .... just to keep people guessing. You do it often enough yourself to understand that, even if it is incredibly frustrating for everyone else. And I’m sure you know me well enough to know that I can be incredibly frustrating.”

Roe could tell that whatever she was trying to hide was getting pretty close to the surface for her to state out loud that she was frustrated. "I find, actually, that I prefer to keep more than just a few things hidden. Secondly, in my present role in the castle, I find that its not just a question of keeping people guessing, but one of both self-preservation for myself and keeping others out of potential danger, if I can."

Now, Roe thought, that whatever was currently bothering Isabella was either a holdover from her previous encounters with Thea, something that bothered her about their current relationship, or a curious mixture of the two. "Of course milady, given those previously mentioned facts I would be happy to hear any specific question, I would answer it the best that I can, but in my current situation, I will not be an open book, especially in a place like the Tripp, where there are so many ears. However, if you like to continue this conversation in another place I could be amenable, even without the ale being available," Roe said as he completely drained another tankard, seemingly with ease. "I will not promise you any more information, necessarily, than you have already gotten, but we'll have to see how strong your power of persuasion really is," he chuckled.

[Isabella]

Isabella did roll her eyes now. Roe knew that she was more than a little annoyed, though that was not a rare state of mind for her, nor one that was difficult to obtain. She was tired with Thea’s anger, tired with Roe’s evasiveness, tired with the situation she now found herself in. How had it all gone so wrong when it had been going so right? The aggression she had felt earlier with Thea threatened to bubble up again, but she stifled it, knowing that, however satisfying it felt at the time, the consequences would come back to haunt her constantly afterwards.
“You know I came here to find you,” she said jadedly, “Even though I’m starting to doubt if it was a good idea.”
What Roe said about keeping things hidden fell on deaf ears. Isabella was on the verge of deciding not to bother any longer, giving up and walking away. But she didn’t. However much he drove her mad, there was no denying that what she felt for him was strong – whatever it was.
His offer of answering a specific question both encouraged and dissuaded her. She was often blunt, and here was the opportunity to be so. She could let her thoughts out instead of keeping them to herself. Yet she didn’t want to ask Roe anything – it would be exposing herself to him, to being rejected. Isabella was not good at coping with loss of any kind; it stung her, and though she was able to hide it, it would secretly gnaw away at her, bit by bit. If she could think of something she’d be able to ask him, she would. But all that came to her were the plain facts: I know what happened with you and Thea now. I want things to go back to the way they were. No, no, no. She couldn’t tell him.
“If I need to ask you a specific question, I’ll do so of my own accord, and never expect a coherent answer,” she said, somewhat brusquely, “My power of persuasion only goes so far. And it normally stops at you.”
Isabella hesitated, not knowing what to do next. She was stuck, and it was her own fault she had gotten herself into this mess. She felt at a loss as to what to do, and wondered if she would be better off turning and fleeing the Tripp. But she wavered, unable to come to a decision.

[Roe]

Sometimes Roe thought that she was born annoyed, especially at and with him. he could tell by her body language that whatever was bothering her was becoming more and more difficult to control. Increasingly it seemed that she was going to adopt a fight or flight response. either she was going to confront him over the issue, with a war of words coming forth, or she was simply going to get up and take flight from the Tripp. He simply didn't know how much more of this she was going to be able to take and contain, and for how long?

After her next words Roe nodded his head and thought to himself that finally we were about to get somewhere. Too much more and she would have probably exploded, he thought. "No .... i didn't know it for sure ... but all of the indicators were pointing in that direction. Why is that 'Bella? Is it simply because you don't feel that you are in control of the situation?" He could tell almost immediately that that was not the proper thing to ask her. She was just as likely to get up and bolt now.

“If I need to ask you a specific question, I’ll do so of my own accord, and never expect a coherent answer .... my power of persuasion only goes so far. And it normally stops at you.”

He could see that she was at the tipping point now. He knew that she was just about at the point of exploding or running, or both, and now it was time to bring her back. He quickly pushed the tankard on the table in front of him and laid his hand on top of hers without grabbing them. "Now, you can pass off what I'm about to say off on being a bit light-headed from drink. That's your right."

"Everything with you is either black and white ... one is either for you or against you. Some of that is because of what happened to your parents, some is how your brother treated you after that, and a lot is from how your husband treated you all those years. I know all of those things make you the woman that you are. However, I remember the parent material as well, the girl .... the noble girl .... who sat on a thatch rooftop with peasant carpenter's apprentice, and liked him for what he was and not who he was."

"True .... he had been noble once .... but was no more .... and you treated him like an equal. I can't say that I understand what you've been through, as you can't be expected to have understood mine, but I do know what it's like not to be able to trust others .... to put myself in another's trust ...even though betrayal is your greatest fear. I understand that. The problem right now is that I have no idea whether you will believe a word that I say ... that's why I told you to ask her. If you want to listen to me .... then let's go for a walk .... if not .... why waste your time with it. As always though, its your decision to make."

[Isabella]

Isabella was waiting for something, anything that would indicate what she should do. She hated this feeling of being trapped, but it was herself who was holding her captive. When Roe asked if she didn’t feel that she was in control, she nearly lost it. Nearly stormed out. Even though she knew he was right. He knew her – perhaps better than anyone else. That was partly what was maddening her right now.
But before she could do anything, Roe took hold of her hands. She could have snatched them away, but she didn’t; she didn’t want to, not really. It reminded her of better times, some of which were not that long ago. She listened, feeling a dozen emotions churn inside her all at once, something which was becoming all too familiar. It was sheer confusion, a not knowing what to do anymore. But that began to ebb away as Roe talked. He seemed to understand – more than anyone else could. Isabella had lost her trust in him, felt like he had betrayed her, but he hadn’t, he hadn’t, and she believed that.
She nodded weakly.
“I believe what you just told me… about marrying Thea,” she said quietly, “I’ll listen to you.”

[Roe]

Roe did know Isabella quite well. He knew that she was a person of strong and sometimes impulsive emotions. Sometimes these caused her to attack and sometimes these caused her to flee. She was often one who do not respond well to reason or logic, but often an appeal directly to her heart could be effective. She wasn't looking to be told or shown that she was right or she was wrong, but she was looking to be shown that somebody cared about how she was feeling and thinking.

He knew that that time before she was uprooted, though it occurred so long ago, when she was a young girl, and when he was still a fair-haired, clean-faced lad, when thing seemed so much simpler and clearer, was a time and a feeling she longed for. He realized, for that reason, as nobody else could perhaps, that gripping her hands would not be threatening to her her, but would be calming and reassuring to her, as well as being one of those things that would appeal directly to her heart. He could sense that she was confused, and really unsure of herself, and what she should do, and who she could trust, and that this was the best way to cut through all that, and maybe have her be able to listen.

"OK. I had run into her the first time, as a guard at the castle, when they brought her into the dungeon, as a result of her run-in with Lady Court. I listened to her story and agreed to help her escape. I took her to the Priory, where I knew the Sisters would watch over her until things cooled off enough for her to leave. Within days of this, however, 2 letters reached her, somehow. One was from the King, informing and explaining to her the death of her father in the Crusades in the Holy Land. The other was from a nobleman in Birmingham, who was laying claim to her father's lands and property, unless Thea could show proof of a husband, proof of marriage."

"That's when she thought of me. She came to me with a plan, where through the purchase of false papers by herself, that I would pose as her husband. That's what our appearance at the market was all about, to publicly show ourselves as a couple in Nottingham, just before our trip to prove her claim in Birmingham. I realized that this girl might have ulterior motives, but I decided to help her. Also, I was not aware of any attachment that precluded me from doing such a thing. In any case, as soon as her objective was completed I returned to Nottingham."

"Now, given your overall reaction, and my original assumption about the lack of a formal relationship between us, Isabella, have I made an error in judgment here? Did you assume that we had a commitment to one another, or are you interested in making one? I need to know if you just want to be friends, or if you desire something more. I would hate, for example, to unthinkingly do something stupid that would damage our re-established friendship. For that, however, I need to know what really is in your heart. If you are only interested in being friends, we need not address this ever again, especially if it distresses you. So .... please .... tell me .... this once, so I know where we stand."

[Isabella]

Isabella listened silently to Roe, her eyes downcast, as he explained what happened with himself and Thea once more, with more detail. She felt calmer, and paid full attention to all that he was saying. Her confusion lessened, but part of her anger remained, though it was directed at herself. Roe said that he did not think there was anything stopping him from pretending to be Thea’s husband. She felt stupid for ever thinking that there was anything between them – there had been no understanding, no attachment, nothing. So why had she been so furiously upset at what happened in the market? Because of what happened on a grey, wet day in Sherwood Forest. And she couldn’t get that out of her head.
Roe’s questions about what she wanted now, though put in the kindest way, seemed to Isabella to be almost impossible to answer. Had she thought there was a formal relationship? No, she hadn’t, but she had thought there was something. Something more than friendship. The feeling had been so strong – but what if she had been completely mistaken? What if. She had once asked someone if they wondered about the what ifs in their life. The conversation had not ended well because of things she left unsaid. It was the things she didn’t do or say that she regretted. Hell, she was just going to have to say it.
“Alright,” she sighed, “For once, you can know what I’m thinking.”
She took a breath before starting. This was never going to be easy.
“Before… I didn’t think there was any commitment between us,” she began, “I just thought – that there was something else. It started as friendship but, for me at least, it didn’t end up that way.”
She shrugged, staring downwards, not at the table but at their hands.
“Perhaps I was wrong to feel that way,” she continued, “But I did and I – I think – I still might.”
Although her answer was somewhat vague, Isabella hoped he would be able to see that she meant it. She found the courage to look up then, knowing full well that he could reject her. It was worth trying. He wasn’t a lost cause.

[Roe]

It seemed, finally, to Roe, that she was actually listening to what he was saying now. She seemed to be listening very intently to his story about the progression of events in his story. He notice that she did not seem to be on edge and was taking the information in very calmly. That was not to say that she was emotionless. He knew that this discussion was not easy for her, but she was apparently making the attempt to look at it all rationally.

He could tell, from her body language, that certain topics were far more sensitive than others. When, for example, he mentioned the fact that he had had nothing preventing him from pretending to be Thea's husband .... that he had no commitments .... she really seemed to tense up. Now, what exactly did that mean? Did it mean that she thought that she had missed an opportunity for commitment or did it mean that she thought she had had one already. Roe knew that this was something that had to be clarified, or there was the possibility that they would not be able even to be friends.

Roe believed that because of her physical reaction there would be something that she would follow up with .... there had to be or there would just be too much left un-said. As it turned out he didn't have long to wait after posing his opened-ended question. “Alright .... for once, you can know what I’m thinking," she paused. "Before… I didn’t think there was any commitment between us .... I just thought – that there was something else. It started as friendship but, for me at least, it didn’t end up that way. Perhaps I was wrong to feel that way, but I did and I – I think – I still might.” So there it was ..... it was the most coherent explanation he had ever heard, but he preferred it this way. Anything that came out too polished would have raised suspicions with him of being practices and rehearsed. This was more realistic and more from the heart, he thought. How often did we really understand how we feel about ourselves, let alone others, he thought.

He gathered himself and his thoughts up and leaned backed in his chair, balancing himself, waiting for the right words to come. He knew that this would be important, since he doubted whether she had ever opened up like this to anybody. "Isabella .... any relationship between us is bound to be different than it is with other people, even if we weren't talking about friendship and beyond. We have known each other so long .... its almost if we were brother and sister .... and that makes any emotionally intimate relationship ..... difficult. We know things about each other ... and how we came to be the people we are ..... that others can only guess at .... less comprehend."

"In point of fact, we've always been more than friends .... just ones separated by great distances. If we would not have been separated at a young age there is no telling what trouble we could have gotten into," he smiled. "Yes .... I felt the same thing .... especially that one day. However, I sensed that you were not really comfortable with taking it any farther. Was I wrong? Or have you changed your mind?"

[Isabella]

Isabella hoped that because she had been so open with Roe, he would be the same with her. She was not disappointed. The way he talked about how things were with them – she knew what he was saying was true. During their childhood, he had been like a brother to her. Although she had Guy, it wasn’t the same. Maybe Guy had loved her then, but if he did, he barely showed it. He had his own interests, and kept his distance from his little sister. He did as he pleased, leaving her to her own devices. So she and Roe grew to be very close friends. But then, one day, she’d looked at him and felt something she’d never felt before. Suddenly, everything was completely different between them – it had felt so awkward at the time, like she was losing her friend. It wasn’t until later, on a thatched rooftop, that she realised what it was. Then it just seemed right – and it was like that when he kissed her in Sherwood Forest.
Roe was right; they knew things about one another that no-one else did. Important things that were secret from others. He knew about her past, and she his. Isabella had never told anyone so much about it – she couldn’t trust them enough to – but he was different. It had been hard, but he had listened to her, and that meant a lot.
She couldn’t help but smile at his comment that they would have got into a lot of trouble if they hadn’t been separated all those years ago. They had had their fair share of it as children, and doubtless that would have continued if she hadn’t left Locksley.
When Roe told her he’d felt the same about her, her stomach flipped. Isabella was glad that she had not been completely mistaken in her feelings for him. But she could see – well, she was starting to see – why he didn’t think she wanted anything more. In playing her cards close to her chest, he might have thought that she was discouraging him from going any further. Though that wasn’t what she felt. She realised that when it came to this, she couldn’t be reserved or stay quiet about anything. Roe needed to know how she felt, or this would keep on happening.
“I did want more,” she admitted, “But I… got stuck. I didn’t want to wear my heart on my sleeve and give too much away. And I didn’t want anything to go too fast. I suppose I was just scared. I didn’t know how to let you know… I just hoped you could tell, but no matter how well you know me, you aren’t quite capable of reading my mind yet. Though you’re a good guesser.”

[Roe]

Roe's mind wandered back to memories of those years ago in Locksley. He rarely allowed himself to dwell on the past. There was anything that he could do to change what had happened. In most ways, what had happened to both the Earl's family and the Gisbournes had een shrouded in a great deal of mystery. Some, he knew, had expected to hear some word of what had happened to them after they had left, and some thought or hoped that they would return someday. Initially, Roe had been one of those.

However, over time, and being occupied with other things, they were eventually forgotten. Except by him. He had always looked at himself as her brother, as her protector, and as something more, that he couldn't put his finger on. One thing that he had hoped for when he had left for the continent, on his way to the Crusades, was to pick up some trace of them in France, but he had not been that lucky. He had never disliked Guy, but he could never quite trust him either, and what he had done to his sister proved that that evaluation of his character was an accuratre one.

He had been beginning to feel things for her when she had left. IIt had made him feel incomplete when she left. Overall he knew it provided him with the knowledge that life just wasn't fair. He had had no illusions of the possibility of a future together. Although he had been a noble once, he had become a peasant .... just a lowly apprentice .... while she was the daughter of a knight, a noble. He had known that the best he could hope for, probably, was friendship, but he had still dreamed of something more.

When he had seen her again, after all of those years, those feelings had returned. However, she was now married, and she was still a noble lady. He was now a knight, a french one, but he thought that re-establishing a friendship was his only possibility. She was polite enough with everyone, but she seemed remote and aloof most of the time. She played the role of noble Lady well, but occasionally, glimpses ofthe girl from long ago would poke through. Roe did his best to keep up a cold demeanor in return, but he knew, occasionally, glimpses ofthe boy would make themselves known. He believed she was interestyed in friendship, but little else. He had a feeling now, that perhaps, he had misjudged the situation.

“I did want more .... but I …. got stuck. I didn’t want to wear my heart on my sleeve and give too much away. And I didn’t want anything to go too fast. I suppose I was just scared. I didn’t know how to let you know .… I just hoped you could tell, but no matter how well you know me, you aren’t quite capable of reading my mind yet. Though you’re a good guesser.”

Roe smiled back at what seemed to be the young girl on the rooftop from long ago, once more, quite vulnerable, taking her hand and kissing it lightly. "Oh .... mon ami .... I am a good guesser when it comes to military matters .... but not matters of the heart. I had always wanted to be your knight, but I was always the crude peasant boy, who believed he had no chance with the knight's daughter. So I always simply tried to be your friend, while I dreamed of more. Young boys, you know, have to have their dreams too," he smiled again. "The question is what you desire now."

[Isabella]

Isabella was amazed at how much Roe had changed, and yet he had still stayed the same, at least a little, inside. Things had happened that had affected them both and made them into harsher versions of the children they had once been, but there was still a part of him that would always be Bobbie, and a part of her that would always be Izzy.
He had told her before that he was just a poor carpenter, but she had never really listened. To her that had never seemed important, even though she now knew that it had been. Roe must have been a lot more realistic than herself when they were younger. She’d foolishly thought that anything was possible if you wanted it enough – and it had not been long before she had left for France, and that changed.
But there it was again – what did she want now? The answer was becoming more and more apparent to her, as if it had always been there, but she had tried to keep it hidden. She’d been scared of starting something, having all those hopes for it, only to see it collapse and fall to ruin. She didn’t know if she could bear that. But now she was willing to take a risk. After tying herself to the outlaws, Isabella had been living far more dangerously. She could face execution any day if she was found out. And if that happened, she would stomach it. It was completely irrational that she could live in the threat of losing her life, but not being rejected by someone she cared for. Even when she’d tried to protect herself from it, it had happened anyway, and still been just as painful. So what was the point of holding back when it would do no good? She wanted what she’d wanted for a long time. It had just taken her all that while to accept it.
“I… I feel the same as I did on a thatched rooftop in Locksley all those years ago,” she said quietly, adding, “But only if you do too.”
She couldn’t quite say what exactly she felt, but the meaning was still there, and it was still true. This was the only way she could explain it.

[Roe]

For his part, Roe was surprised, given all the hardships and changes in her life, how much the little girl remained in Isabella. Of course she had changed from the person who was barely a teenager to a mature noble woman, so her appearance had changed. Butthe flash of temper and the occasional "real" smile betrayed the girl who was still within. He imagined that through the long and hateful marriage to Lord Thornton that she had kept that part of her separate and hidden, to protect that part of her individuality. The question was how much of that person that Roe would be able to coax out.

Of course, even with all that she had hidden from others, he had done the same thing, even moreso. When he was 17 he had left behind his life in Locksley and Nottighamshire as if he had died, with no intent to ever return. He had no notion at the time how important Sherwood was or would be to him. His intention was to create an entirely new life in Europe and the Crusades, which he did. He had had no idea that he would reject his newer life, for the most part, and try to return to the old one. He certainly had had no idea that he would get 'involved' with anyone again.

He had asked her the question, after taking her hand, kissing it lightly, and intently searching for the reaction in her face. He thought he saw various reactions on her face, most of which he interpreed as a conflict between yes and no. He knew that one of the things she most wanted to do was to protect herself from pain, and she was unsure how to do it and not expose herself. He knew what that feeling was like. He'd completely cut himself off from personal attachments for 10 years after he left home, unless they were absoloutely necessary for survival.

“I… I feel the same as I did on a thatched rooftop in Locksley all those years ago .... but only if you do too.”

He smiled at the innocence of that statement. Of course, whether he felt the same way would not have any effect on how she remembered it, at least it shouldn't. He smiled and said, "While its true that I tried to eliminate all of those memories over the years, in the end, I was not able to. You are a far different person on the outside than you were then, but I have the same feelings that I had for the person who is at your heart that I did then. All I had to do was take your hand and give you a kiss, then. What is required now, do you think?"

[Isabella]

Isabella had found it so hard to tell Roe all what she just had that she was almost expecting for him to turn her down. The fact that he didn’t – and told her he felt the same way as he had all those years ago – meant that she couldn’t stop herself from leaning across the table and kissing him on the forehead. Then she remembered herself – after all, that was very forward and they were in public – and pulled back, looking somewhat embarrassed, but still rather pleased.
He was right that they had changed, but that didn’t seem to matter much to her now. It mattered that they still felt the same about one another, that they might have a chance of something together, even though that was true. Isabella wanted to kiss him again, but stopped herself, knowing that this was not the time or the place.
She tried to look serious when he asked her what was required now, thinking of something immediately.
“I’ll require you never to marry a beautiful young woman again without even doing so much as telling me first,” she replied, feeling too much towards Roe to be angry any more, “Even if it is fake. I could not possibly go through all the trouble it caused again.”

[Roe]

Roe had always found Isabella to be among the most unpredictable of people. He found nothing to change that analysis in the present. He had no idea what her reaction would be to his answer. A part of him completely expected her to stand up, acuuse him of something, and walk away in a huff. So, it was a pleasant surprise hwen she leaned overthe table and planted a soft kiss on the middle of his forehead. He could tell that it was almost an instinctual reaction, given the look of embarassment that hit her face. That this proper noble would do such a thing in public was the most surprising of all. However, her expression did not say that she wanted to take it back, either, and that made him feel good as well.

He had to admit, though, that in many ways it showed that she was till the impulsive teen-ager of their youth, at least down deep. The more times and people change, he thought, the more they stayed the same, just like in that old saying, he thought. Just as when they were teenagers, given they were of different classes, they had to become adept at non-verbal communication. Just as then, they could communicate without a word being spoken, which was just another proof that they knew each other as well or better than anyone else did.

She was quick with her response to where they would go now, and he laughed at her response. "Very well, milady, as long as you agree to do the same when some handsome high-ranking noble asks you to a picnic lunch as well. However, if your despicable excuse for a husband ever starts poking around the castle you'll have to forgive me if I dispatch him without a second thought. Its the least I could do, as a present, after missing so many of your birthdays, eh. It would also show all that military training hasn't gone to waste for want of a good purpose," he smiled.