Rendez-vous (Roe)

[Isabella]

Isabella looked around the forest with her piercing cold blue eyes, taking in all that surrounded her. She was in a small clearing, where the dappled bands of light that fell onto the forest floor were like golden pools, and above her head in the canopy the trees danced slowly, whispering to one another like lovers on their wedding day. As she arrived at the centre of the glade, a gawky-looking raven fledgling clattered away from her, its jet-black feathers not yet fully formed.
Isabella brought her horse to a halt, pulling the reins gently towards herself.
“Woah, Lucy,” she said quietly to the old mare.
Listening intently for any other people, she removed her feet from the stirrups, swung her right leg over the saddle, and landed neatly, feet together, on the forest floor. The dead leaves made a slight crunch as her boots touched them, but amongst the croaking, crying, calling sounds of the hundreds of animals around her, Isabella barely heard it. Holding Lucy’s reins in her right hand, she stroked the beast’s mane with her left.
“He’ll be here soon,” she whispered into Lucy’s ear.

[Roe]

Roe had received the cryptic message just about sundown the evening before, as he had been at the Jerusalem Inn. He had gone to his regular table by the wall, and he had explored the hole in the wall behind his chair, to see if there was a message from Robin and the outlaws. He was not surprised to find one, he was just surprised that it was from Izzy, or as Allan sometimes had called her, Bella. He chuckled to himself the comments and looks that Allan and Carter had exchanged when they had seen them together for the first time. He had assumed at the time that it was because of the way she had been looking at him at the time.

She had urgently requested a meeting with him just around dusk in a glade in Sherwood that they were both familiar with from their youth. He informed the castle guards that he would be gone, becoming familair with some of the areas around the shire. He might be back later that evening, or it could be several days, so if he didn't return right away, to not be concerned. What they understood him to mean, he imagined, was there was no need to worry Sir Guy or the Sheriff about his whereabouts, unless they asked specifically.

He rode out on Sherfore, his trusted Arabian that he had brought back from the Holy Land. He liked her in particular since she was good at silent travel through the forest, and he liked to move in secret, no matter who he was going to meet. Slowly he and his Arabian glided out of the forest and saw the young woman, looking fairly impatient, standing by her own striking steed.

Speaking of striking, Izzy fit the definition well, especially as the rays of the fading sunlight shone through her hair. She had only improved with age he thought to himself. He shook some of his thoughts from his head, reminding himself that she was married, or perhaps even romantically connected with one of the outlaws of the Forest, even considering who her brother was. "At the very least, Izzy, you are as punctual as ever I remember you, as well as fetching," he grinned as he stepped down from Sherfore.

[Isabella]

Isabella heard the beat of hooves at once, and whirled around at once. As she realised it was Roe, as she had hoped, she beamed up at him. Astride the arabian mare, with his rugged hair and dark eyes, she couldn't help but think he was handsome. Not a bit like the scrawny, fair-haired boy she remembered from all those years ago. Evidently, though, something was the same - the mischievious streak. And the grin. As Roe got off his horse, she stepped towards him.
"Punctual and fetching?" she commented, "What more could a girl want?"
She bit her lip, and smiled again.
"You never told me I was either of those things when we were younger," she added.
Ever since she came across Roe in the castle, she had been thinking more and more about her past - their pasts. She could remember exact events - some in great detail, others less so. She realised that she had forgotten so much during those long years with Thornton. She had been so frightened that all she had thought of was how to evade him, how to make sure his anger was not provoked, how to escape from him. But it wasn't just that - she didn't want to think of what she had lost - the village she was born in, the friends she had left behind. But now that she wanted to remember, it had all come flooding back to her. It was as if Roe had triggered something in her mind to open the door and let all the memories come running back in.
The sharpest memories were relatively unimportant things. Chasing the chickens around Locksley. Playing bandits in Sherwood Forest. Taking turns to jump over the stream. There were others, too, but they were less clear. She remembered her mother's face, beautiful yet blurred by time. And something else, very hazy, something that had happened just before she had left Locksley - sitting on a rooftop and watching the sun go down. She could remember the smell of warm hay that had been cut in the fields that day, the feel of the straw thatch roof under her fingers. She could see the bright orange, almost scarlet sun... and hear the sound of someone's breathing - someone who was sitting next to her. But exactly who it was, she did not know. Maybe she would learn that, in time, she thought, looking at Roe's face.

[Roe]

Roe noted that her reaction time was still excellent, but she did it fairly gracefully, which was sometimes a challenge on the soft forest floor. He had not had much of a chance to appreciate her appearance at their last meeting. There had been too much of a need to display prowess with sword and knife, and dash from here to there, to spend much time in analysis. He considered the fact that girls generally matured earlier than boys, and she didn't look a lot different than what he remembered. Physically, she was definitely all grown-up. He noticed as he approached more closely that her eyes were quite beautiful, but they had slightly tired appearance to them, as if she had seen too much, much as he knew that he had.

"Punctual and fetching? .... What more could a girl want? .... You never told me I was either of those things when we were younger."

Roe leaned back and laughed. He had had so little opportunity to do that over the years, he had almost thought it was a forgotten skill. Her smile definitely made the forest as pleasant a place as it could be. He had not had the companionship of a woman in many years, and had really not thought about it as a great loss for some time. However, he had not thought on Izzy in some time either. "You tell me milady ... what more could you want .... and more specifically .... why did you have the note sent to the spy in the castle," he smiled back at her.

"Well, just because I didn't say them didn't me they were less true. We were playmates and friends, which was fine. Despite being of noble birth I was only recognized as a commoner, and you were well above me, as Robin was. I knew the day would come when you would have to take your station in life, while I would work as a carpenter and as an ordinary engineer. I assume, by this time, for example, that you have been married for many years, and with children. That is, unless your noble husband went off to fight for Richard and was not able to return. So what can you tell me about you and your life?," as his gaze focused in on her face.

[Isabella]

Isabella smiled at Roe's comment.
"I sent the note to the spy in the castle because that was the 'what more' a girl could want," she replied.
But when he asked her about her life, her happiness vanished as swiftly as the minnows she used to try to catch in the stream. Roe's words had the same effect on her as throwing a bucket of cold water over her would have had - she was instantly downcast and quiet.
"Yes, you ought to know," she began soberly, "As soon as Guy and I left, we went to France. We had lost everything. No money, no land - not even our name, for it wasn't a good name any more. Guy was desperate. He had me sold into marriage just months after you and I last met in Locksley."
She looked up at Roe, feeling sadness pull at her heart as she did so.
"Thornton, that was his name," she continued, "He is the man I have hated and feared for the last seventeen years of my life. The things he did to me - I cannot describe. The worst part is that none of what he did was illegal - so there was no way out. And children? No. There were never any children. Thornton punished me for that, but I'm glad I bore him no children. He would have made their lives a misery."
She stopped, feeling tears prick at her eyes. Her husband had called her a failure - a wife who showed no love, who bore no children, who served no purpose to him. He had hoped for children until a few years ago, when he gave up on that hope. She was now too old, surely, for childbearing.
"Eventually, I just couldn't live that way any more," she continued, "I ran away and came here, to Nottingham. I asked Guy for sanctuary from Thornton. He gave it to me, but my husband is still furious with me. I have Guy's protection, but if Thornton comes for me... then I don't know what will happen."
Isabella tried not to weep, but found it hard not to. She had never told anyone her story before in such detail. True, she had mentioned it to Robin and Much, but it had been nothing like this. She looked tearily at Roe, realising that her fear of Thornton would never truly go away. Every time she thought of her husband, she felt frightened that he would come to punish her again. What would it be this time? A score of lashings? Or a stint in the cellar? Isabella's fears came crashing down on her and she wiped the tears from her eyes, not wanting to look weak or foolish.

[Roe]

Roe was glad to see her smile .... since it lighted up her whole face, as well as whatever part of the forest she happened to be in. He then smiled at her response to his question. "Its been some time since I was the focus of an adult woman's desire or attention," he laughed good-naturedly.

As soon as the question about her life passed his lips he saw a complete change in her body language, facial expression, and the tone of her voice, as she went into her story. "I know that things must have been tough, but How could Guy, your own brother do such a thing .... without even planning to rescue from that at some point when he could. It explains much of how Guy could be so different now than he was as a teenager back then."

He listened as she continued her story and talked about her married years with this character named Thornton. "I am sorry Isabella .... nobody should be cursed with that kind of experience. I can experience better than most I suppose. I know, from an even younger age, what it is like to be born into a noble house, lose both parents, lose the title, the lands, the wealth. I was lucky to be accepted by a good noble family. However, it was quite clear that I would never ever be considered a noble, and that in the end, I would only have myself to depend on."

The anger slowly but surely began to well up in him. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach and work up the back of his throat. "I don't know about Guy, but if he is unable to protect you, you can depend on the steel of my swords to defend you and your freedom and your life. You know that there is nothing that I would not risk to protect. I have no family now, and few that would hold that importance to me, other than Robin, the Scarlett's. Of course I would defend the people as well."

Roe then contemplated what she had said about her horrible husband and the family that she had not had. It is a shame, really, that you were not blessed with children, with a better husband, of course, than you had. It sounds, though, that you could have not had much worse. I imagine that you spent many years wondering what your life would have been like under different circumstances," he said somewhat haltingly as he looked down at the ground, not wanting to see the tears he saw gathering in her eyes.

[Isabella]

Isabella wiped the last of her tears away and gave Roe a watery smile.
"Thankyou," she said, knowing that she could depend on him to protect her life.
In a way, she was glad to have told Roe about what had happened to her. Now there was someone to share her tale with - someone who could understand her fears and hopes. It wasn't just her burden any more, and she trusted that Roe would help her to carry it. She was finding more and more recently that to be independent, she had to rely on other people as well as herself.
"I spent years wishing myself somewhere else. At first I wanted to be in Locksley again. But then I just wanted to go anywhere away from Thornton," she admitted.
She frowned, before forcing herself to smile.
"Do you ever look back and wonder what your life could have been like? Think about all the what ifs. There are a lot of things I wonder about. What if my parents had lived? What if I stayed in Locksley? What if I fell in -" Isabella paused suddenly, knowing that she could not finish that sentence.
There was an awkward pause.
"So what about your life?" she asked briskly, "Did you marry? Do you have children?"

[Roe]

Roe was glad that at long last Izzy was able to produce some sort of a smile. It wasn't as strong of a smile as she had generated earlier, but it was a start. He was also relieved to hear her say thank you. That meant that the assurances that he had given to her had meant something to her. All he wanted her to know was that she could depend on him if she needed any kind of help or support. At least now he could look her in the eye without the fear that she would break down in tears again.

He sensed that she had wanted to tell her story to someone who might understand. So he was glad that he had been able to be there for her. He had told her just a bit of his life, and he wasn't sure that his complete story was something that he should burden her with. He thought that he wouldn't offer anything unless she asked .... and then it came:

"Do you ever look back and wonder what your life could have been like? Think about all the what ifs. There are a lot of things I wonder about. What if my parents had lived? What if I stayed in Locksley? What if I fell in - ........... So what about your life? .... Did you marry? Do you have children?"

The fact of the matter was that since he had left the Holy Land he had thought about those things. "Yes .... except I've thought about that my whole life, not just recently. Its taken on greater importance since I've come back. In a way I had hoped that nobody would figure out who I was so that I could just fade into the background. Did I marry? No .... I had fallen in love .... she was pregnant .... but I was not permitted to marry her. I was so angry that I left for Europe and the Crusades at the age of 17 .... almost 18. I even sent word back that I had been killed in some inconsequential battle. I didn't want to return and I didn't want anyone to expect me. After all, you weren't there anymore, and nothing was ever going to be the same. By the way, I could have sworn that you were just saying something and you stopped in mid-sentence. What wre you trying to say?"

[Isabella]

Isabella frowned as Roe spoke of his life. She could see why he still had regrets the more of his story he told her. When he came to the part about his lover, she sighed slightly, a short breath escaping her mouth. She felt a wave of emotions come upon her when he mentioned the girl - a curiosity as to what she was like, and a sorrow that she and Roe could not have been together. But there was also a flame of anger, a part of her that wanted to say:
If you loved her, why did you leave her? Why did you leave her and your child in England and send out word that you were dead?
It seemed to Isabella such an ugly thing to do, the kind of thing that would tear someone's heart in two. She wondered what had happened to her, but could only think of her life as one of poverty and hard work. Isabella looked at Roe coldly, vicious thoughts entering her mind. Roe had said he would protect her - but what about his lover? He hadn't protected her. He had condemned her, like Guy had condemned Isabella. She looked at the ground and said:
"No. I wasn't going to say anything."

[Roe]

Roe quickly sensed that his first inclination had been the correct one. He should have told her nothing of his pasts, or any implication of what he desired or what his goals had been. He could sense the tenseness that was building up in her, and he caught the cold stare full of daggers that she was sending his way. Obviously there had been something that he had just said that was turning her attitude about him supremely negative. Suddenly, thought to himself .... it might be all for the nest for her to think of him negatively. He had figured it out years before that he was not built nor meant for marriage or a good relationship with a woman. A fellow knight had asked if he was going to go home and marry a young lady and raise a family of sons. He had responded that he had killed too many fathers and sons for him to have that reward bestowed to him.

She did respond to his question finally: "No. I wasn't going to say anything."

Roe thought to himself that that wasn't likely. It was obvious that it had something to do with the story of his past that he had related. He was getting too old to change he thought to himself, even for her. He could go into detail why things had happened the way that they did, but once she made up her mind about something or someone, even logic and fact would have little impact.

"I am glad to have come seen you Isabella. I am no saint. I have done many evil and dark things. That doesn't mean that I don't regret them. It does mean that I can't change them. We will always have our happy memories. Perhaps its best that we just preserve those memories and go on. I'll always be your friend and you can always come to me for help. But I think that I should take my leave of you before one or the both of us say something we regret. Take care." He re-mounted his horse in one motion and sent a friendly nod to Isabela before he bagan to turn his horse back into the forest.

[Isabella]

Isabella knew the moment she had spoken that she had made a terrible mistake. She had been so happy to see Roe again - but now that he had told her of the things he had done, she couldn't help but feel shaken to her very core. Roe abandoned his lover. He killed dozens of men. He wasn't Bobbie Williams - he wasn't her childhood friend any more. But what could she expect? It was she who wanted to meet him again, she who asked him about his past. Perhaps she shouldn't ask questions she didn't want to know the answers to. Or perhaps, no matter how appaulling it was, the truth was better than anything else. Isabella couldn't know. All she knew was the terrible aching feeling inside of her, the feeling that there had been something within her grasp that she could have taken hold of, but cowered back and lost forever.
She listened miserably to Roe's words, wanting to cry out in anger and frustration that he didn't understand, that she didn't understand. But she did nothing. She stood numbly, silent and still, knowing that if she did anything now, she would live to regret it. So she forced herself to hold back her emotions and clenched her fists tightly, the tension in her body building up.
Isabella found it hard to believe that Roe had been glad to see her, considering what had happened. She thought back to the childhood memories she had only just discovered within her mind, the joy of finding them now tinged with the bitterness of what she now felt. It was Roe who had made her remember, but now there seemed to point in remembering any more, not now that he had told her that they should go their separate ways. The insubstantial past was no substitute for the cold, hard, undenyable present. How could she think of the good times and simply forget the bad, when the bad had etched out her life for the past seventeen years?
Isabella looked at Roe, and knew he was right that they should say no more. She would make that sacrifice for him, at least, that he might think well of her, in the harsh certainty of the years to come. As he turned his horse to ride away from her, she felt like he would be gone forever. She might meet him again, but it would never be the same, not now the weight of knowing sat on both their shoulders.
The dark rider grew smaller and smaller as he travelled further away from her, the sunlight that broke through the trees throwing patterns onto him and his horse. It was only when she was sure he couldn't hear her that Isabella looked after him and the words: "Don't go," escaped her lips. She brought herself to turn her back on Roe and leant against Lucy's neck, grateful of the support. It seemed to her right then that for herself and Roe, it had all been for nothing.