The Relief of Breathing {Open, Outlaws}

[Thea Linnet]

"Now Thea, you know as well as I do that you could do so much better than me. Personally, I don't know why I would have any effect on you, unless its just natural for you to go for older men." Thea's mouth fell open as Roe spoke.

"Do you honestly believe that you don't deserve anything or anyone? Why do seem to hate yourself so much, Roe? I mean, from what I gather, you don't think you deserve anyone because of the death your brought while you were fighting a war. But hundreds of people did that same things you did and returned to find a wife and live happily ever after. Roe, murderers of women and children alike sometimes come home to a waiting family! What did you do that makes you so much worse than those people?" She took a deep breath and rolled her eyes at him. She would have thought that someone of his age and maturity would have gotten past the stage of self-loathing.

"And you have this effect on me because, well I can't explain it, alright. But you do. I haven't had the experience to explain what it is. What makes me mad is that you sit here with me, being so friendly - and then some - then I think something else is going to happen and you just go back to being just friends! You see, I want you to stop being like that, flirting and such, because I personally believe that you don't want-" she faltered, hesitating to say the word, "me. But I don't want you to stop because I enjoy it despite the fact that I know I shouldn't." She gave a little chuckle then sighed. "Do you see what you've done to me, Roe?"

She touched his arm and looked at him earnestly. "I would never ask you to leave, but do you see my dilemma?" She wanted him to, but doubted that he would. For some reason, she doubted that any male would fully understand.

She laughed at his remark about not being impulsive. "You're right about that, my friend. And I'm sorry about assuming I knew what you wanted, it's just that you seem to worry about Isabella much more than simply a friend would." She let her voice rise at the end of the sentence, making more of a question than a statement. But when Roe asked her what she was afraid of doing, a light blush crept up her neck again.

"You were right in what you said before, I don't want to come out and say it, because it is little more than a silly girlish daydream." She said quickly, trying to hide her embarrassment. She groaned and hid her face with her hands. "The it I'm talking about is us," she told her hands more than Roe, but hoped could hear to save her from repeating herself. "You must know I want that to happen at some point. But I know it won't because I have it ingrained in my mind that you do not fancy me, that the only reason you've stuck around is because you think I'll need saving again. And despite the fact that I've told myself over and over again that you think I'm nothing but a silly little girl, I hold onto that stupid little fantasy, hoping in vain that one day it'll come true. Which it won't." Thea pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head under her arms to stop Roe from seeing how red her face was. Once again, she found herself spilling herself to Roe, someone she thought had very little interest in what she had to stay.

[Roe]

"Yes .... that may change with time. Different people go through the same events and are changed in different ways. My life ... at least the life I had had was destroyed several times, first as a lad of not even six and then as a lad of 17. The first time I merely withdrew, which was easy on a large estate. The second time I merely rejected and left everything here that reminded me of my past life, from England on down. I went to Europe to learn how to fight, to learn how to kill."

"I learned my lessons well and I advanced, from page to military engineer to squire to knight. I commanded men actively in the field. I killed many in hand-to-hand combat. I killed men on one day to forget the faces of the men that I had killed the day before or the men that I had sent over a yonder hill, knowing that they would not return. I built siege towers and other engines of war that I knew would result in the deaths of hundreds, if not thousands over time."

"There are men who could live with such things and go back easily to their wives and families. I was raised under the teachings of the Church, as I think Robin was, and I am not such a man who can forget so easily. Originally, I just wanted to come home and be a carpenter again, in peace, but events and people have a way of interfering with well-laid plans."

Roe could sense that she was close to a breaking point of sorts. It was just that this was a breaking point that once she started talking she would not be able to stop until she had emptied what was in at least a small portion of her heart. It was at least as bad as he had been aftraid of, and in fact, worse. He had tried his hardest not to do things to lead her on, but she had had a beguiling effect on him as well, as much as tried to deny it from the beginning.

"That was one thing that I was afeared of .... that you didn't have the necessary experience in the matters of the heart that this deals with. I tried not to be .... friendly-and-then-some as you call it .... but it is mighty difficult with your beauty and your smile and your personality .... that it can weaken one's resolve. If I did not make that difficult effort .... to back myself up ..... it might be difficult for us to remain friends. I might go places in which you don't want to go."

Roe shook his head, mainly because he did not believe that she did not understand the real reasons why he backed off. "First, it would be almost impossible, I think, for any right-thinking male, to be around you for a considerable time, and not be flirtatious with you. Second, I would have to be a fool, on many levels, not to want you. And I wasn't raised to be an ordinary fool. And why would you not ask me to leave .... exactly .... and why is that a dilemma?," he asked, trying to force her to say whatever words she was trying not to say. She was obviously afraid that if she said something then she would be committing herself. He knew that the hardest thing there was for someone alone in the world was the risk of rejection.

"We were as close as two children of the opposite sex,of opposite social classes could be, and then she was gone, when her parents were gone. If it wasn't for Marian, I could have seen her being betrothed to Robin when they reached the right age. But as it happened, her brother basically sold her into a love-less marriage that has existed for 17 years, so I expect she would be afraid of long-term commitments as well. You see, then, we each have our own scars."

"Well, if it is only a 'silly girlish daydream' there is nothing to fear from saying it. Just as if it is something more, there is much to be gained and little to be lost from others knowing it as well. But, you have to decide which one it is. Put your mind at rest .... the only reason that I stay around is not to save your bacon." Roe put his right index figure under her chin and raised it. "I'm afraid that staying just for that reason would be quite tiresome. I stay because you are my friend and I enjoy your company, and so much more. If it goes beyond pure friendship only time and patience will tell us."

[Thea Linnet]

Thea listened to Roe and smiled, in spite of some of the things he was telling her. She smiled because now she knew that he was like her in way: distracted. They were both distracted by each other. It made Thea feel less foolish about the whole thing, but it also gave her a strange feeling of pride, one she knew she shouldn't feel.

Mentally, she tried to simplify what he'd told her. He thought she was a pretty woman, who's company he enjoyed, but wanted to stay friends. With a little sighed, she accepted that fact, though not well. Part of her would always hold onto her little daydream, if only as a reminder of her time in Nottingham. She could handle that, though only with time.

When he spoke of Isabella's past, she felt a wave of sympathy for her. To live seventeen years with someone who didn't love you would seem impossible. Certainly for Thea who only believed in marriage for love, not business. She looked up at Roe as he lifted her chin and for a moment thought back to the market. Her body leant forward just a touch before she caught herself. With a half-hearted chuckle, she pulled back and nodded.

"Time and patience." She said, her distaste for them unconcealed. "You're asking me to be patient? And here I thought you knew me." She rolled her eyes, but grinned at the bright afternoon sun. It was a closure of sorts, at least she knew how he felt. It wasn't the best response in the world, but it certainly wasn't the worst. Alright, she thought, just friends. I'll give it time. It wasn't what she wanted to think, and the guessed Roe knew that, but she was willing to wait and see, though she couldn't promise him complete patience.

[Roe]

Roe doubted whether he had spoken for such a long period and told anyone any details about his past. He didn't ask others to spill their pain and he saw no reason why others should be forced to share his pain. The fact of the matter, of course, was that he had shared his pain in only the most general of terms, and actually only a small slice of the actual amount. It did, though, give her an idea of what his life had been like. He saw, as he went on, a slowly spreading smile appear on her quite desireable lips. "And what is that smile all about, my former wife?," he asked with a somewhat quizzical look on his face.

He had to admit that one of his weakest skills was figuring out the thought processes of the women that he ran across. And she was one of the more unpredictable women that he had had the honor of meeting. Of course his Crusader years were significant in the dearth of females that he dealt with. Still, he had to admit that this one had the ability to draw him in, and overcome what defense mechanism he had built over the years. That is, as a Crusader, he had learn to separate the emotional side of an issue and discard it. She had made that more difficult, if not impossible for him.

When he lifted her chin, he, in fact, gave her every opportunity to respond emotionally. Although she had the opportunity to take advantage of the opportunity, she declined. She had at least the amount of self-control to do that, which many females might not have had. At any rate, despite leaning forward, she had the presence of mind to back off. Despite preaching patience himself he doubted whether he would have had to strength or inclination to deny her.

However, when she said those words:"Time and patience.", she did not seem to say them too pleasantly. "It is because In know you that I ask you to be patient," he smiled. "Personally, I don't know how long my will and patience could make me wait. To resist is not any easy thing when the temptation is so great and so near."

[Thea Linnet]

Thea's grin widened when Roe asked what she was thinking. "Oh, you know," she said, tugging playfully at one of his curls, "sinister thoughts. Pride, and all six of his companions." She laughed and let the lock she was toying with spring back into place. When he spoke again, she smiled radiently.

"You give far too many compliments, my former husband." Using the term made her giggled a bit.

[Roe]

Roe wondered how long it had been since someone of the female persuasion had played with his hair playfully, and he got a light feeling in his stomach. "And which of those companions are at the head of the line," he asked with a smile that returned his. "Its easy to give compliments when they are so obvious. So, what do you think of the hair ... is it curly and springy enough. On the negative side, though, I expect you'll tell me next how many gray hairs you've found. Would you like to take a closer look" he chuckled as he edged closer. "So, really, what are your dreams for the future .... you seem to have ties to both Nottingham and Birmingham."

[Thea Linnet]

"Oh, the usual lot," Thea said with a lazy smile. "Sloth, wrath, envy, perhaps a bit of lust," she wasn't lie to him; what was the point anymore when he already knew everything else? She laughed with him then proceeded to search for the aforementioned gray hairs. She moved so she was behind him and, although he was sitting and she was on her knees, she was still a bit shorter than him.

"Oh, but Roe, gray is such a drab colour. I prefer to call them light blond, or silver." She gave a light giggle. "That was my father's favourite. It's not graying, it's growing in value, he used to say. He got better as he aged." Thea gave a sad sigh, but kept combing through his hair, letting the little curls bounce around. "I find you can tell a lot about a person from their hair. Like curls, for instance, I've never met a person who had curls that wasn't fun to be around. But people with wavy hair, you can never trust them. Like their hair, they can change at a moment's notice; just look at me! Straight people are predictable, and they are often a bit boring as far as company goes." She stopped toying with his hair and put her chin on his shoulder. "But do you want to know the worst ones?" she whispered deviously. "Balds. They don't have anything to hide. They allow for nothing to get in the way of their heads and the rest of the world." She laughed a little and resumed teasing Roe's hair.

"I don't know what gray hairs you're talking about, Roe. I see none. And besides, a young spirit is what really matters." Thea stopped mid-twirl and considered his question. "I don't want to go back to Birmingham, not yet. I will, eventually. It'll be expected once I have a husband." She gave his lock and tousle. "A real one this time. I guess I'll have to stay in Nottingham until I accomplish that...task. Though, I suppose now that I don't have a family to impress, I can marry who I choose. Not just some well-off noble who doesn't care that his bride is fully thirty years his junior. But that's the only plan I have. Well, and do something memorable in Nottingham. Try and find this infamous Robin Hood and do my best to help." She sighed and sat back, letting his hair fall naturally. "There's a lot of unknowns that I'll have to face alone," she admitted quietly, understanding the gravity of it for the first time.

[Roe]

Roe let out a large genuine laugh, perhaps the most open expression that he had given around her. He realized it, and laid it at the fat that some of his defenses had been taken down, partly because they each knew large parts of each other's stories. Plus Roe was in the place he was most comfortable .... in the midst of Sherwood. "Hmmm .... I might think that wrath and lust might be at the top. Envy depends on the object and who you are contesting it with. I would never associate you with sloth, however .... beauty and laughter, but not sloth."

He felt more than heard her circle behind him, and then felt her fingers searhing through his hair, and shivers ran up and down his neck and spine, and he uttered the slightest of gasps, not knowing if she noticed. "Its strange .... nobody has run their finger through my hair like that sine I was 17. Its amazing the things you forget about ... how different acts bring memories of sounds, scents, and feelings back from across the years."

"Are you sure you are looking closely and carefully enough? Perhaps it requires closer inspection, eh? OK .... we won't call it that ... we'll say its .... ash brown," he laughed out loud again. "Do you think I'll get better with age, or just more boring," he chuckled lightly. "One of my great flaws is that I tend to believe in everyone else, just not me. Oh .. give me a good cause to fight for and I can lead as well as any nobleman, as long as its not about me. So, make sure I have someone to protect or a cause that's worth dying for and you'll see my best side .... what there is of it anyway."

He continued to feel her run her fingers through his locks and curl,with her nails lightly scratching his scalp, and it it was slowly driving him crazy. He tried concentrating on her personality analysis through the style of ones hair, and found himself chuckling once more. "I don't think that changeability is a bad trait, as long as you know when and what to stand up for."

He gave a little sigh of relief when she stopped messing with his hair and leaned her head on his shoulder. She was so close now that he could smell the scent in her hair and the perfume from the rest of her body. As long as she's done with the hair he thought he would be fine. They laughed about those who were bald, and then she started messing with his hair again, and it was if she was pulling his hair, face, and lips into hers.

As his lips descended towards hers he asked, "And how do you rate my spirit, milady? Do you have any likely prospects among the men of Nottinghamshire, as of yet, or are you still looking. There are all sorts of memorable things you can do, and they don't all require that you be alone," he said as his lips caressed hers in a long and breathless kiss. One more he waited to see if she would back away or seek more of the same.

[Thea Linnet]

"So am I seeing your good side?" Thea asked with a teasing smile. She like it when he laughed; it made him seem years younger. The sound echoed through the meadow and quickly disappeared, leaving Thea and Roe in a warm silence. His lips moved to hers, but hovered just above them so when he spoke they would brush every so gently against hers. Her heart raced and, although his lips hadn't fully touched her yet, they were pulsing. She could only give him a wide-eyed blink before he kissed her.

Finally she thought with a sigh, and greedily accepted the embrace. Her hand went around to his neck, and, forgetting his conditions, Thea returned the gesture. Something made her stomach churn, but not in a bad way. IT was the feeling she got when she was doing something she knew she shouldn't. Excitement, or the nagging worry that they were going to get caught.

Time and patience, her mind told her, but she brushed the thought aside. Patience was for people who didn't have the guts to do what they wanted. Time and patience. Reluctantly, she pulled away and held his face with her small hands. Beneath her hand, his scratchy stubble tickled the soft skin of her palm as she searched his face. Her face was impassive, save for the shadow of a frown between her brows.

While it would be hard to mistake him as someone of her age, he seemed younger now. Less serious, Thea decided. And it wasn't as if she didn't like Roe before, but here he was less intimidating, more human. She glanced over at his swords, still on the grass, then back to him. She wondered if his weapons were the only defenses he'd dropped in her company.

Silence filled the meadow as she studied the man before her. She drew a finger along his hair line, from one ear to the other, and finally found the gray hairs Roe'd been speaking of. A few silver wisps at his temples, but hardly enough to tell from afar. The discovery didn't age him as Thea thought it would. Yes, they were a sign of his true age, but they were more like his beard; just something that was part of Roe.

She slid her hands down so her fingers rested lightly on his jaw. Her frown disappeared, replaced by a small smile, and a light giggle broke the silence that had fallen.

"They're charming," she told him while running a hand through his hair again. "What sort of memories? Good ones , I hope. And, yes, I think you'll get better with age. I hope I will, though," Thea pulled back and put a hand on her neck, "exactly how I could get any better, I'm not sure." She laughed lightly and answered the rest of his questions.

"Oh, your spirit is wonderfully young, though it only acts like it in the right company. And, I'm not sure about other men in Nottingham. You, a few guards and perhaps the barman are the only men I've actually been acquainted with. And what sort of things, hm, Roe?" she asked, crossing her arms. In all honestly, she was talking so the blush on her face would fade quicker, though in the summer sun, she couldn't tell if it was working. She was also talking to keep herself from launching right back into what they had been doing a few moments ago. Time and patience. I'll give you time and patience, Roe, as promised. But just because she'd promised him it, didn't mean she was going to make it easy for him. With a coy smile, she leant forward so her arms rested on his knees and drew little circles on his legs.

[Roe]

She asked him whether she was seeing his good side. He had no idea. he didn't know if had a good side. He knew, though, that he should not say anything like that to her, or she would probably slug him for his poor view of himself. It was true, however, that he had not laughed as easily or freely, as he had around her. "I guess this is as good as it gets with me," he said as he shrugged his shoulders. The good thing was that responded to his laughter, with smiles,which was always a good thing, especially as they got closer. At first, he thought she might be resistant to the whole idea, but as their lips slowly approached one another she bacame more receptive, as her eyes closed and her lips parted slightly.

As their lips met he could feel one of her hands encircle his neck and her fingers carelessly playing with the curls in his hair, which both relaxed and excited him, encouraging him and driving him forward. He forgot that he had set any conditions; in fact he forgot everything else, except her, and how long it had been since he had even thought about a woman like this. He thought, once again, as she took a needed breath, he picked up a sign of hesitation. A few deep kisses and a caress of her neck seemed to, at least momentarily, break through any reticence on her part.

He suddenly remembered telling her, 'Time and patience', but he thought that there's been enough time wasted, and we showed an overabundance of patience on the way to Birmingham and back. He sensed the hesitance again, and this time she did pull away, with the slightest indication of a frown between her eyes. What was that all about, he wondered. Had he done something wrong or improper?

He noticed, as she leaned back, that she was looking him over, especially his face. Exactly what was she analyzing .... what was she trying to figure out? He saw her turn her head and take a long look at his swords. Was she trying to figure out whether the sword s defined the man, or was it the other way around. As her head was turned he thought that it might be a good time to renew what they had started, but he thought better of it, for the moment.

She then stretched her hand out into his hair at the leading edge of his forehead, and his eyes closed, reacting to the sensations her action created. Was she looking for something, or just trying to tease him through his hair? If she was looking for something, he guessed that she had found it, since she suddenly stopped her fingers as quickly as she had started. But then she dropped her hand to his jaw and neck, and she started to smile and laugh. He returned it with a wondering smile.

"Ah yes .... its ones of your best qualities .... the humility and humbleness that is always present. Shyness is not one of your limitations, milady," he smiled. "I do think you are right, though, inn this case, how could you possibly improve over how you present yourself now?"

Roe was glad to hear about both his spirit and that she had not been actively looking elsewhere. That told him that, just perhaps, she had been waiting in the back of her mind for a day like today. However, before got the wrong idea she backed away slightly, rested her arms on his legs and began to draw little circles on his legs that tickled slightly, and showed that he was only going to get her with a struggle. "My, you are a little tease, aren't you," and he decided, as in most battles the direct approach was best.

[Thea Linnet]

Thea looked up at Roe, her smile sinful. "What can I say, you bring out the best in me." Her lips still felt pleasantly warm and a rather large part of her yearned to lean over and kiss him again, though his wondering smile stopped her.

"Am I confusing you?" she asked with an innocent blink. Thea knew she was a bit confused, but she didn't think she was capable of throwing Roe off track.

When she first pulled back, he was the one to pull her back. For a strange reason, the realization of that made Thea smile. She thought back to the market and how he'd attacked her with an onslaught of embraces, seeing the similarities between the two events.

Perhaps it's my turn now, she thought, her eyes lighting up. To Hell with time and patience, she pulled herself closer to Roe and put her lips against his cheek. "Should I stop?" she whispered against his rough skin then gave his cheek a featherlight kiss.

[Roe]

It seemed to Roe that her entire expression had changed, and it eemed to be reflected in her body language as well. Her smile did not seem to be one who was willing to be patient. It looked to be one of more of a risk-taker. The real question was what risk she was willing to take.

The point of fact was that he was a bit confused. Her earlier agreement to be patient seemed to be at odds with the expresion on her face and the movement of her body. Her "Am I confusing you?" statement and the innocent look that accompanied it seemed to be setting him up for something. He was doing his best to remain calm and collected, but it was becoming more difficult.

He was the one making a more direct move now, half expecting her to back off some more, or to wave him off in some way. Instead, he saw, as he moved toward her, she reversed her movement, and moved against him with what seemed to him was cat-like in quickness. "Confusing doesn't seemed to quite describe it," he said.

He increasingly got the feeling that he was no longer in control of the situation, and that things were progressing according to her desire, and not necessarily his. Suddenly, he could feel her warm and moist breath spreading across his cheek, just as her lips grazed his skin. "Should I stop?" As she kissed his cheek he closed his eyes and struggled to keep control of himself, as she pressed the envelope of his feelings. He was unsure how long the temptation that she was now presenting could be resisted.

[Thea Linnet]

"And what does describe it, Roe?" she asked, her lips just brushing his cheek. Thea knew she should have felt bad about teasing Roe like this, but she wasn't leading him on, per se. She suspected she wanted it as much as she was letting on. She was just making it harder for him to decline the offer. It was like what he'd done to her in the Market, with different circumstances. She saw his eyes close and watched his chest move with steady breaths as if he was trying to collect himself.

"I'll take your silence as a no," she pressed her lips to his gently, carefully, just long enough then pulled away a few inches. She could still feel his breath, but if he wanted to continue, he would have to initiate it. She put a hand on the curve between his neck and shoulder, surprised at the heat coming from his skin. Thea decided that his response to this would give her more insight to Roe's feelings than his words would.

[Roe]

"I doubt if there's anything in words that could describe it," he mumbled. "Only something equal in return could give it justice." He could tell by the way that she was brushing his face with her lips, and the words that she was using, that she was trying to manipulate him and his feelings. He wondered in the back of his mind if she realized how dangerous it was to play this kind of game with a man like him, and that once she took him past a certain point, it might be a point of no return. He still wondered if she was paying with him and his emotions to some extent. If she wasn't, why did had she put on the brakes on their trip to Birmingham.

Roe knew that despite all of his good efforts he was barely holding on to his ability to make decisions. It was obvious that she was learning a lot about which buttons of his could be pushed to get the reaction that she wanted. Again, he hoped that she knew what she was doing, since he was very close to the line where he would not be fully able to control his actions. He had a choice, whether to let her go on, or to start pushing her buttons as well.

"Silence can mean many things, so I wouldn't make that assumption," he said, allowing their lips to be parted for only moments. When she touched the back of his neck he could feel the chills run through his back and neck like a surge of lightning, pressing his lips deep into hers, caressing the inner portion of her lips with his tongue, and picking her up from the ground in his arms, not really waiting for her to say no.

[Thea Linnet]

When Thea's feet left the ground, she made a noise halfway between a gasp and a scream but it was quickly muffled by Roe's lips. A strange empty feeling swept through her gut, but not because of the sudden movement. For a moment she felt weightless, all her cares gone and for a moment all she cared for was Roe. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she allowed herself to be carried like some doll. She returned his embraces happily and willingly without thinking. The butterflies in her stomach threatened to send her flying as she felt his heart thundering against her chest.

But something was nagging at the back of her mind. Not like this, not like this. She didn't understand what it meant and forgot about it once Roe's lips found hers again. But wasn't this exactly what they'd both feared, Roe most of all? Thea defended herself with the fact that it was what she wanted. But is it what he wants? She was yielding to him now, mind and body, and if they didn't stop soon, there would be no turning back.

She wanted to be with Roe, and for now, she was. She was wrapped in his arms and content with that. But in a few moments, she could lose her one true friend in Nottingham. What's worse is in a few moments, she'd be grateful for it. It would ruin her reputation, since she already had an annulled marriage on her record. And, unfortunately for her, she cared very much about what people thought of her.

Thea put a hand on the side of his face and pulled away reluctantly. She vaguely wondered if she looked as dazed as she felt. Breathlessly she asked, "Is this...right?" She held his gaze, knowing one false move on her part and she'd never see him like this again. Her eyebrows drew together and she hid her face in the crook of his neck. Unable to stop herself, she kissed the soft skin of his neck until he responded.