Regrets (Much)

[Isabella]

Isabella had taken Lucy out for a ride. She had become attached to the mare Guy had lent her. She was blind in one eye and was growing lame with her old age, but she was steady and reliable, and Isabella had spent a lot of time with her during the time she had spent in Nottingham.
The meadow was beautiful, and alive with colour. The sun was a blazing sphere in the sky, and it set the flowers ablaze with scarlet, pink, blue, even gold. Birdsong erupted from the surrounding trees, and a thousand tiny insects flitted around on the breeze. Every animal was chirping and crying and croaking.
Isabella sighed. She had come out here to think. After her talk with Robin, there was a lot to think about. Even though she was sure that she had done the right thing, she still felt guilty. Not just about Robin, either. It was Much she was worried about. The last words she had exchanged with him had been harsh and unfair, and she couldn't help but feel that it was all her fault.
She pulled lightly on the reins to stop Lucy and stroked her mane thoughtfully. She was riding like a man would. She found it easier and after all, who would see her out here? It was just her and Lucy.
"Oh Lucy," she whispered, "What should I do?"

[Much]

Much lay absentmindedly in the long grass of the meadow. He opened one eye, only to be blinded by the scorching sun's rays. He re-closed his eye and let out a deep exasperated sigh. Of course, he was thinking about Kate. That's all Much could ever think about. He rolled over in the grass, and wrinkled up his forehead in annoyance. Why did she hate him so much? Of all the things she had called him, the words smelly, horrible and stupid stuck in his mind.

Much let out a small cough as some pollen from the surrounding plants entered his airways. He sniffed and then sat upright, so that only the top of his head was visible. Of course, he was supposed to be out in the forest trying to catch something to eat for the gang. He had tried and failed, so had resulted in lying the the meadow, feeling sorry for himself.

Suddenly, Much heard a voice. It was a womans, and he slowly poked the rest of his head up above the grass, only to see Isabella standing before him. He opened his mouth inquisitively, and rustled in the grass as he stood up so that he was in plain view. "Isabella?" he asked firmly.

[Isabella]

Isabella blinked, surprised at Much's sudden appearance.
"Much?!" she exclaimed.
She quickly dismounted, removing her feet from the stirrups and swinging her right leg over the leather saddle to land neatly on the ground on both boot-clad feet. She was a little embarrassed that anyone should see her riding in the incorrect way. She let go of Lucy's reins and they fell limply against the side of her neck, where Isabella had brushed her jet-black mane earlier. She turned from the mare to Much, placing her right hand on Lucy's back. It was hot from the fierce sun that beat upon it.
"I came out riding to think," she said simply.
She studied Much, frowning at his defensive stance and indignant expression.
"I've had to do a lot of that recently," she added solemnly, "There's been so many important things happening."

[Much]

Much nodded. He couldn't argue with that. Things really had been going on for the Outlaws. With mission after mission, ordeal after ordeal. In a way Much liked it. It meant there was something to do, and that the Outlaws were taking baby step after baby step towards saving England. But in a way Much hated it. The Outlaw lifestyle wasn't really his cup of tea. His back ached, his head ached, and his feet ached. He was sure he had blisters. But what he loved the best about being an Outlaw, was being with his friends, and knowing that he was doing something good. And in a way, that made all the pain worth while.

So. She had come here to think. Much crinkled his nose as he moulded over the possibilites. Perhaps she was thinking about Guy. Or the Sheriff. Or Prince John. But most likely Robin. He mumbled to himselff. He had sussed her. "So Isabella." Much said as politely as he could, which probably wasn't very, "What have you exactly been thinking about?" In all truthfulness, he was still annoyed at the way she had spoken to him a few days earlier. He had been a bit hostile towards her, he had to admit, but what could she expect. She was making moves on his married best friend! He didn't want to make an enemy of Isabella, but if it meant that she would keep away from Robin, then he would have to.

[Isabella]

Isabella turned her head to one side, realising exactly what Much meant. He had noticed how her relationship with Robin had changed, and been wary of it. He was evidently still worried that things were continuing in the same way as before. But they were not - not any more, at least. She and Robin had agreed to live their separate lives, only meeting when the outlaws needed her help. At first, Isabella had felt indescribably sad, but now that was replaced with a strange sort of calm, a reassurance that they had done the right thing. It was the start of acceptance, and the end of a kind of denial.
She turned away from him and towards Lucy, stroking the horse's back slowly. She looked down at the ground and began to talk honestly.
"I was thinking about Robin, mostly," she replied, "I told him - I told him that we should remember our places, that we should spend our lives apart, the way that it's meant to be. You were right, Much: I was wrong to get involved with Robin like that. I'm still helping you and the outlaws, but that will be the only time when Robin and I meet one another. It's the right thing to do. I'm sorry about it, but I'm trying to make amends for my mistakes."
Having dropped this bombshell, Isabella turned from the mare to look the outlaw in the eye, searching for some kind of forgiveness.

[Much]

Much stood completely still, not quite believing what he had just heard. So she did have something going on with Robin. He narrowed his eyes, but as she confessed to her mistake, and admitted to ending whatever relationship they did have, he relaxed. He blinked as she stared him straight in the eyes, and breathed deeply. Well. She had apologized. He fixed on a forced smile, and nodded, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and shuffling his feet.

He walked a few steps closer to Isabella, almost wanting to talk to her. He just wanted to express how he felt, to someone that wasn't an outlaw. If he told any of his fellow Gang members, they would almost definately laugh in his face, or kick him up the backside for being such a git. He shook his head at the thought. He couldn't tell his friends anything. Sometimes Robin would listen to what he had to say, but most of the time Much became too embarrassed to say anything in the first place.

But that was what he was feeling now. He wanted to speak to a woman. One that would know about the kind of things Kate would be thinking about, and one that could give him decent advice. He opened his mouth, but no words came out, and his mouth stayed open, fixed like cement, and Much desperately tried to think of the best way to word his sentance.

[Isabella]

Isabella saw Much's strained smile, and returned it. She was still upset about what had happened between Robin and herself, but telling Much about it had made her feel a lot better. It was like she had just dropped a weight she never knew that she was carrying. Much was the man Robin had the most faith in in the world, and she was ready to trust Much as well, if only he would let her. Trust was mutual, something that could never work if only one person had it. No, there had to be two.
She saw Much coming closer towards her, hoping that he could understand her a little more now. She had been so rude to him when they last met. But things should be different now that she had been honest with him - they would be, she hoped. She took one small step towards the outlaw, keeping eye contact. Her face was half-frowning, half-smiling, there was so many emotions chasing one another inside of her. She waited for Much to speak, to say something, anything. She felt like her conversation with Robin had been easier to deal with than this, this holding on for someone else to talk when it was so hard for them to do so. That was what Robin must have felt earlier. A tension that was strung between them in the air - a wire that tied them both, that made it hard to breathe.

[Much]

Much swallowed, and moved yet closer towards Isabella. Alright, here goes. he thought to himself, fiddling awkwardly with his scarf. "Isabella?" he asked in a strained voice, and he squinted, almost waiting for her to reject his question. "Can I ask you something." he stopped moving towards her, since he was already about a metre away. He took a quick glance over at her horse. She was a lovely horse, there was no doubt about it. He tilted his head, so he was facing Isabella again, and then waited a few seconds before speaking again.

"It's because, well, I need to ask someone about something. Well a woman preferably. It's, well, woman stuff." Much winced as he thought of the millions of possibilites that that sentace could be interpreted as, so continued, "Well, no, but, well, I asked Allan about it," he said, speeding up his talking, "But he didn't help much. At all. Well he thought he had, but then when I approached her, it didn't work. So I really want some advice from someone that won't laugh at me, and I hope you won't, because you seem better then that, and I think you'd be good at giving advice, and..." Much stopped, and squeezed his eyes shut as he realised he had talked a load of rubbish. He fiddled with his scarf more vigorously. "Well, let me start again..."

[Isabella]

Isabella frowned sympathetically at Much. Maybe he was a sensitive soul, she thought. He must have bottled up his emotions for a while if he was talking himself in circles, and getting worked up about whatever it was he was trying to tell her. She felt honoured that he trusted her enough to choose her to ask for advice. Nevertheless, she still wasn't exactly sure what it was he was talking about. She felt she needed to intervene before he muddled up his sentences again.
"Much," she said kindly, "It's alright, you can talk to me, don't worry. I won't laugh at you. Just take a deep breath, and start from the beginning."
She stayed where she was for the moment, and looked at the nervous expression on Much's face, trying to puzzle out what was bothering him. He said he'd talked to Allan, but his advice didn't help. When I approached her, that was what Much had said. So, this was about a woman. It explained why Much had chosen to talk to a woman - it made sense, women knew about women. Allan, on the other hand - well, she wasn't too surprised his advice didn't go down too well. Isabella wondered which woman it was, but couldn't think of many. If it was a woman Much had feelings for, the only one she could think of was Kate. She was a very attractive girl, and an outlaw, so Much must have got to know her better recently.

[Much]

Much nodded and took a deep breath. He smiled at Isabella for her kindness, and then straightened up to his full height, and began.

"Ok. Well you know Kate?" he started. He might as well tell her who he was even talking about. "Well recently, I don't know, but I've been feeling...well...feelings for her." he hung his head in shame. "But she doesn't like me. At all. In fact I think she hates me. Allan told me to just go up to her and tell her how i feel. But that didn't work. She just threw it back in my face, and told me I was..." he took a deep breath and then shamefully mumbled the words, "horrible, smelly and stupid." Much didn't appreciate being called things like that, even if it was from Kate.

"So I just don't know what to do." he concluded, his cheeks reddening, as he half-heartedly returned Isabella's gaze. He immediately regretted asking her about it, or even telling her about it. His heart thumped and his throat wobbled in embarrassment. He clutched his elbow with the other hand, and looked down at his feet shamefully. Why did everyone hate him?

[Isabella]

Isabella felt her heart fill up for Much, making space for all of his emotions as well as her own. Being turned down was never nice, but Much sounded like he really cared about Kate, and the expression he wore on his face was little less than heartbreak. He was a good man, and evidently thought a lot about what was important to him. Kate must come into his mind an awful lot.
Isabella wasn't too sure how to comfort him, but tried her best. She felt she owed it to Much for confiding in her.
"Much," she began, "It's very difficult to tell someone that you have feelings for them. Telling someone that you love them is an act of great bravery, so you have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing."
She swallowed, stepping towards Much awkwardly.
"Sometimes, though, you might feel something," she continued, "That you're ready to talk about. But the other person isn't. They can get a bit defensive, because they're not sure what they feel yet. Maybe it's like that with you and Kate. Maybe she just needs a little time."

[Much]

Much sighed and flailed his arms in the air in an exasperated fashion. "I don't think it's that." he cried out, his eyebrows forming a worried line. "I just think she doesn't like me. And...and thats the end of it." he said shortly, slapping his thighs in annoyance. After he was done with his little hissy fit, his arms hung limply by his sides, and he stared into the distance. "I just don't know." he said quietly, the setting sun casting a shadow across his face.

"Sometimes I think that there's no way that I could ever get her to like me." he said, enphasising 'ever' with so much gusto, he almost fell over himself. "But I just want to at least try." he said, almost timidly, as he coiled himself up in an unconfident ball, hunching his sholders. He collapsed onto the grass and sat with his legs wide aparts, feeling the prickly grass run through his rough hands. He half closed his eyes, and then brought his knees closer to his body, and cuddled them, comforting himself. "I miss Eve" he said in a low whisper, that Isabella probably couldn't hear.

[Isabella]

And Isabella didn’t hear it. Not all of it, anyway. She only heard a low mumble and the name Eve. But it meant nothing to her. Instead of asking Much what he had just said, she looked down at the dishevelled outlaw with pity. His emotions seemed to her as if they had been slung into a sack and thrown around.
Unsure what to do next, Isabella sat down next to Much, the high grass encircling them both. The ground was dry and scorching hot from the ferocious sun. She did not say anything for a moment, watching the sun slowly set, letting her companion calm down before trying to do anything more. After a short pause, she turned to him.
“Much,” she began, “I don’t know what Kate is feeling any more than you do. All I know is what I feel. I think that you are a loyal and trustworthy man. You’ve put so much effort into helping Robin and the outlaws. They couldn’t carry on without you. You’re courageous and brave. And if Kate can see that – if she can see as much good in you as you can in her – then maybe there can be something between you. All you need to do to make her like you is be yourself. Don’t try and be something different to who you are, because it’s that that Robin – and all of the outlaws – love you for.”
She looked earnestly at Much’s shadowed face, hoping her words would help him.

[Much]

Much listened to Isabella's words, and didn't quite know what to do with himself. All his life it seemed he had been insulted, neglected, and disrespected. And here she was, a woman who he dispised but moments ago, telling him how great he was. He felt his cheeks redden further, and he turned around to face her, releasing the grip he had on his legs. He smiled appreciatively and gave her a nod. "Thanks." he said happily, content filling him. If only he felt like this everyday.

He turned back around to face the trees of Sherwood Forest. Isabella said that his friends loved him. The thought amused him somewhat, since the thought of any of the Outlaws loving each other was quite a strange one. Love was a powerful emotion. But in all truthfullness, Much did love his friends. He said it occasionally, but whenever he had, people had either given him a mortified expression, or just pretended like he had never said anything. That was men for you. But Much had a more emotional side. Perhaps that was why Kate didn't like him?

But Much wasn't going to change who he was. The only person he would ever be is himself. Much.

[Isabella]

Isabella returned Much’s smile, feeling a strange emotion swirl around inside her as she did so. It was a kind of satisfaction that she had been able to help the outlaw, and a final letting go of her own problems as well. And something else she didn't know. When she rode out to the meadow, she was expecting solitude and silence. But it turned out that this was much better than that. Isabella could never find solace on her own, and perhaps that was the same for Much, too. She finally felt free of the one constant thought in her mind: Robin. What had passed between them just didn’t matter any more. She had a life and she was going to live it – there were no ties that chained her down against her will, just the bonds that she chose to make. She wanted to help the outlaws. And she knew deep down that she wanted to love Guy again. Maybe someday she would, she thought wistfully, as she joined Much’s companiable silence and looked at Sherwood Forest.