Tuck on his way into Nottingham (Gisbourne)

[Tuck]

Tuck, after some thought, had determined that his best course of action was to travel on to Nottingham. He believed that he was too new to the area to take on the Sheriff. There were those, he knew now, who had very good reasons to remove the Sheriff, and those assisting him, such as someone named Sir Guy, permanently from this world. He was not yet ready or able for such drastic measures.

He needed to gather intelligence, and above all, he needed to make contact with Robin Hood. From everything he had heard, despite Hood being currently an outlaw, he was the common people's best chance for relief from the powers that be. He was disappointed that his apparent contact with a forest outlaw had not led to his meeting Robin Hood. Still, one couldn't cry over spilt milk ..... he had to go on. If he could not meet him in the forest, perhaps someone in Nottingham town could give him some assistance.

Tuck continued on the path through Sherwood Forest, without even running across a single soul. Once he left the confines of the wood, he clearly saw the town dead ahead. He had been many places in England in his life, but this was a first visit to Nottingham. He had no problems entering through the main gates.... his friar's robes probably helped quite a bit there. The one thing that was difficult not to notice was the depressed nature of the town and its people.

He noted that everyone seemed to have an overwhelming desire to not converse with anyone else. It was an almost palpable sense of fear. Tuck decided at his first opportunity to find someplace to sit and rest, at least for a few minutes. He saw a small sheltered area with tables and chairs, and he thought it looked as good as anyplace did. Once he entered he noticed some noise coming from a nearby table and he went to investigate.

[Sir Guy of Gisborne.]

His back pressed against the wooden table as he lay, one beg bent and raised, his leather boot resting against the top plank of the bench. His dark eyes were closed, determined not to look at anyone or anything, although his sword remained by his side. He could sense what was occurring around him.

The set of tables was tucked into the corner of the courtyard of Nottingham Castle, shadowed by the skyline of the tall stone building, which seemed to dominate everyone and everything.

A single face invaded his mind, her image constantly haunting him. He had stabbed her - The trusty sword that lay beside him had speared her though, even though he knew that she had survived. The words that she had spoken had been enough to ignite his rage, and ensure that he could not see past the darkness. He hated Hood, and he wanted him dead. That was all Gisborne had to say for himself, and he would devote every waking minute to finding out the location of the outlaw, and his band of men. They would all suffer and die at Gisborne's hands. And Guy would make damn sure that he enjoyed it...

[Tuck]

Tuck saw the cause of the noise. He assumed it likely came from one of the man’s boots that was rubbing against the wooden planking. If anything, Tuck’s religious training had honed his abilities in the area of patient observation. He wasn’t a mind-reader, but he could see some things that others might have a greater degree of difficulty. He could tell first of all that it was a man, and by the way he dominated the length of the table a man of some stature, undoubtedly taller tan Tuck himself. By his attire it was obvious that he was neither a guard of some low rank or the person of highest rank. Tuck assumed that he was of some importance on the spectrum of power, for who else would be allowed to lay on some tables and rest their eyes, he reasoned.

Despite his apparent rank, he noted that by his hair and his general appearance, that he was quite unkempt. It had been Tuck’s experience that such men were often troubled, if not tortured spirits. He saw that he seemed to be holding himself stiffly, but keeping his eyes closed, almost as if he were trying to hide from something or someone. Tuck thought that it was likely that he was troubled …. So he decided to take a chance in disturbing him. Besides, he might end up being a good source of information, on Hood specifically, and the outlaws generally. “My son, I sense that you seem to be troubled. Although I am just a visiting pilgrim to these parts, I would glad to offer you assistance if you would wish it.”

[Sir Guy of Gisborne.]

Gisborne did not hear his feet on the ground, the steps towards the sheltered area, and the tables upon which he lay, so the first thing that he knew of a new presence in his quiet space was a shock to him. The words reached his ears straight away, and Guy's eyes snapped open instantly. He had not been sleeping, merely resting as calmly as he could. However, he never moved, surveying the man from his position, upside down.

"Troubled is not the word for it."

Gisborne muttered, his voice almost slurred with the tiredness that seemed to dominate his body, his movements sluggish and clearly bored with his situation. Yet there was nothing that he could do. Sleep was a privilage, and did not come to him often any longer.

"Haunted."

He whispered, looking right into the other man's eyes. He did not seem bothered by the presence of the newcomer, no matter how much he had wanted some space for the moment. Maybe the right thing to do would be to tell of his problems...

[Tuck]

The overall tenseness that Tuck had noted was further highlighted by the way and speed that the man responded to his presence and his word. he thought it best to keep the situation and the gentleman as calm and tranquil as possible. "Be calm, young man, you have nothing to fear from me, and from your manner I would guess that there are few men that you do fear. As for myself, I am a simple friar ..... Tuck is the name .... I am newly returned from a foreign pilgrimmage. And who is this that you humble servant has the honor of addressing?," he said with a slightly raised eyebrow.

It was a good sign, Tuck thought, that the gentleman was contented to look and speek with from the inverted position that he was in. After the man had uttered what his mental state was it seemed quite appropriate. "It is said that the first step in a mental disturbance is the recognition of it. They are too proud to even admit they have a problem, let alone identify what it is. Haunted you say ... those who claim to feel as you do aften complain that its as if they are being pursued across time itself by some force or person. Is that how you feel, my son?"

Tuck could now feel the man's eyes boring into his own, as if he was trying to determine if Tuck was someone who could be trusted with what seemed to be very private information. "Is this something that you feel able to talk with me. If not, I'll understand. There nay be others you feel more familiar and comfortable with than I. However, I am ready, willing, and able to offer you what guidance and suggestions you may desire. However, I think that this something that you need to talk to someone about. If you don't I'm sure eventually it will destroy you. So .... my son .... what is it that you wish?"

[Sir Guy of Gisborne.]

"Gisborne. Guy of Gisborne. The Sheriff's pet."

His tone changed, much colder, and the words more spat from his barely-open lips. Gisborne hated himself, and that was clear to see, in the anger and dislike in his own eyes.

He had never told anyone of what he really felt, inside, discouting the strong visage that he seemed to portray. He worked on a matter of respect - Yet he no longer respected himself. However, Gisborne realised that the respect he held drew itself to the man who had addressed him. The friar was clearly bold and strong enough to speak to Gisborne in a way that was not contending with business matters, or how much the people around him wanted the Sheriff's right hand man dead. He... Trusted him...

"She follows me. Everywhere I turn, she follows me. Through time, and through space, and through my mind. Every time I close my eyes, she's there. She looks at me, and smiles. She's so beautiful... Then she tells me. She says the same words that she said before. S-She tells me who she l-loves, and that... That she doesn't love me.."

Gisborne's words began to stutter, further into his sentence, and when he spoke of the intimate feelings which he held for the woman whom he spoke of.

[Tuck]

So .... this one was the one that he had heard much spoken of since he had drawm near to Nottinghamshire, after he had landed back upon British soil. Whenever the name of the infamous high Sheriff of Nottingham was mention, a reference to Sir Guy of Gisbourne was never far behind. Tuck saw before him something quite similar to what he had seen several times in Europe. This was not the source of the evil that this region had bourne, but it was most certainly a vessel, a tool that had been used. Tuck contemplated as he heard the additional word spew from Guy's mouth. However, a tool can be put to new, better purposes, perhaps be used against his original master .... all to the benefit of the people.

"So here we have Sir Guy of Gisbourne. I have heard much spoken, of you, my son, and much of it is not very complimentary. However, I sense that such criticism does not affect you much. You are influenced and affected by other things. One can tell, however, that you have acquired a good amount of self-loathing. I sense as well that these are not easy things for you to speak on ..... they are intensely personal. Rest easy, I am only here to assist you my son."

"Who was this young lady .... is it a young lady, as I sense? Why does she torment your mind so? Did you do something to her, or did she do something to you, to cause this separation? Why would she turn from you and towards another? Tell me so that I may understand and help you out of the depths that you have descended to, my son. What are the nature of the feelings that you had for you." Suddenly Tuck gripped Guy's shoulder with a firm but steady grip. "Give yourself time Guy, it is important you come to grip with the demons that are tormenting you .... and I will do my best to see you through it, if it is your desire to have my help and assistance."

[Sir Guy of Gisborne.]

Gisborne blinked once, slowly, although he tried as much as he could to keep his eyes open. Apart from his horizontal position - Easy to attack, should the moment arise - He did not want to show any weaknesses. What he heard from Tuck, the man he now knew he was conversing with, was nothing more than he had already known: That the people hated him, and that he hated himself. It was nothing new, and nothing that Gisborne had not heard from someone or other previously to this moment.

"Marian. Marian FitzWalder. The daughter of the previous Sheriff, before Vasey. The most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. She was to be mine. We stood at the alter once. But- There was another."

His voice turned cold, not looking towards the friar.

"An outlaw. Hood. She- She told me that she loved him. That she would love no other. She stood before me, smiling, as she broke my heart. I- There was nothing else that I could do! Rage got the best of me... I s-sta-stabbed her..."

[Tuck]

It was easy for Tuck to see that Guy was trying to maintain rigid control of the situation, while, in a controlled way, to explaining himself. He realized that it was probably the best that Guy was capable of. People were rarely completely good or completely evil, he thought. We often exhibited both sides of our character. Great leaders, for example, often were great because they had learn to harness their dark sides, not by ignoring them or rejecting them entirely.

That was one of Guy problems he clearly saw, it was just from a reverse angle. He saw any display of his good side as a display of weakness, something that had to be avoided at all costs. This Marian, though, had apparently caused him to override hisnormal approach. Tuck had no doubt that he had tried to control and possess her, as he tried to do with most things in his life, and she had reacted by pushing him away and accepting someone else. Without question Guy looked at that as the most base ogf betrayals, but his feelings for her were slowly but steadily destroying him. Tuck felt that this was proabably an opportunity to both rescue Guy's soul, and to get him to open up, thereby using him against the schemes of the Sheriff.

Tuck realized he was going to have to be careful here. Guy was the type who could explode volcanically against anyone at anytime, especially in the mental condition that he now found himself. But Tuck thought that the only way he would respond would be to some "tuff luv". "Sir Guy," he said with his arms folded across his chest quite formally. "I will not sugar-coat this for you, it is not my way. I am not just a scholar of an Abbey, but a veteran of many aspects of the Crusades. I have seen vile things done in the name of the Church, and of the King, and probably even Prince John, as you have."

"We have all sinned. This is not new information for you. What is new is the realization for you that you must face it if you are to survive emotionally, and the understanding that it's not something that you will be able to control. Can you come totally clean with me, my son, so that we can help you absolve you of these sins, so that you can survive the torture you are now putting yourself through. if you can't, we should just end this here, and I'll be on my way. What is it to be then .... yes or no?"

[Sir Guy of Gisborne.]

Gisborne glanced away from Tuck again, his gaze fixed on a vague point, somewhere in the distance. Emotions were rapidly building up inside of him, although he desperately wanted them to go away, and vanish from his being.

He did not want to think of her. He wanted her to be completely vanished from his mind, so that he never had to think of her again. Guy wanted to live his life how he had done before, with no interruptions - Although she had stopped that. He could no longer concentrate on the more meaningful of things, and how he was to escape the situation that he had so unwilingly been thrown headfirst into, although his every thought was upon her. He had neglected to give himself the respect that he might have deserved, letting himself descend into darkness.

Marian was still there, and she still haunted his every move. He could see her face out of the corner of his eye when he looked around, he could feel her breathing down his neck when he was chasing Robin... And there was nothing he could do to stop the haunting.

"I have been to the Holy Lands. There are things there that even I wish I had never stepped near. Things that have left lasting marks."

The tattoo that blemished the skin of his upper arm was sliced through with a deep scar, which Robin had rewarded him with, when he had tried to kill the king, back in Jerusalem.

"Y-Yes... I can't live with this... I can't.."

Gisborne stuttered, his voice whispered and hesitant, neglecting to consider Tuck's motives in receiving the information.

[Tuck]

Tuck noted that Sir Guy's eyes were no longer focused on him, and from that he determined that his mind was somewhere else, or at least, focusing on something at some distance, in place or time, from where they were. He wasn't sure exactly what was causing this new development. Was he trying to hold something back, or was he trying to recall something that he wanted to talk about.

Whichever it was Tuck was sure he would soon have the answer. He did not sense that Guy was one who would contemplate things for very long, in a state of patient silence. He assumed it had something to do with the woman Guy had spoken of with some anguish, and the outlaw .... Robin Hood .... that Tuck himself was seeking. How could one desire someone so much on the one hand, and then on the other apparently do them physical harm?

"Yes ... we have all, no matter how much we desire to serve God or not, to do things that we regret. None of us are saints, my son. Some of these leave physical marks, and others, though they don't leave marks we can see, can leave even deeper imprints." Tuck listened to what he said, almost as if it had been a plaintive cry from a child. "Rest easy, and take you r time, my son, just tell me what you can when you can, as long as you trust me to counsel you. Just bringing it out in the open can be the best medicine."

[Sir Guy of Gisborne.]

Gisborne sighed deeply, staring at the covered ceiling of the area under which Tuck stood, and Gisborne lay. Guy brought one hand up from the side of the table to rest on his chest, moving slowly up and down with the movements of his breathing. Even that simple actions seemed to quicken, as he attempted to recount the events of the Holy Land in a slow, steady and unshaking voice. The events that had led him to turn into what he was now. A vague shadow, a ghost, of the strong man which he once was. He seemed a different Guy of Gisborne...

He had never been brave enough to speak of any of his issues and problems with anyone. Indeed, there had been no one around for him to consult of the things that he was thinking and feeling. In a sense, Gisborne was more alone than he had ever been.

"She told me that she loved him - The outlaw, Hood. She told me she was married to him. Marian knew what she was saying, and she knew exactly how much it would tear me up inside. She wanted to hurt me..."

In Gisborne's own mind, diffent things that Marian might have been thinking crossed his thoughts. He settled on the fact that she wanted to hurt him, and wanted to make him feel pain of his heart, and his emotions. It had clearly worked.

"I wanted to be her husband. I wanted her to be Lady Gisborne. She promised she would marry me, the day that the king returned to England. She- At the alter, she hit me... And ran away with him..."

[Tuck]

Suddenly Tuck could sense that .... it was if Sir Guy was gathering him self up for some great effort .... one that he was going to will himself through. From the subject matter, and the way that Sir Gu spoke of it Tuck sensed that he had never ever spoken of it, either out loud to another, or even with himself. It was almost as if a 3rd person had entered this little sheltered area and was discussing the intimate details of Sir Guy's own autobiography.

As Guy began Tuck realized more clearly how alone and isolated that he had felt. Guy was clearly facing the many events in his life over the last couple of years and months more honestly than he had ever done, from his first trip to the Holy Land, Hood's return home and the effect that it had had on Marian, and him, their attempted marriage ceremony, and the last trip to the Holy Land that ended in the stabbing of the woman he said that he loved. Tuck also understood, even with all of the honesty that Guy was professing that it was all slanted according to how Guy perceived the world, especially with his hatred of Robin Hood.

"Sir Guy, my son, it is good that you have finally been able to speek of these things, to someone, in some context. Undoubtedly, even at this ealy stage you can feel the positive effects of getting at least some of this out in th open has. However, have you told me the whole truth? Have you told me all of that which you are responsible for? Often, even when we are trying to be truthful with ourselvves we try to shield herself from at least some ofthe truth. Yes, she has undeniably hurt you more than once."

"Just in what you have told me, she left you standing at the altar, and later she renounced the love you offered even as she professed love for your enemy. However, when she left you at the altar did she not return to the castle while Hood returned to the Forest? It is clear that the two of you had different ideas of the love that you shared. It is clear that she did not hate you and had feelings for you , but mostly as a friend it appears. It was whenever you pressed her too much, or attempted to eliminate Hood, that she rebelled against you."

"Your love was so intense for her that you could see nothing else than her being your wife, and that was simply too suffocating for her. Is it possible that she was not trying to hurt you, but trying to make you see where she wanted her life to go, not knowing that you could not live with any other option than her as your wife. That put you in a situation where you were wiling to destroy the one thing in your life, rather than let your enemy have it, even if it would end up destroying yourself."

"The real problem here for you, my son, is that you see yourself as a cold and calculating political animal, and she revealed a part of you that you look as as weak and repulsiuve. In short, you have realized that you are not the person that you thought you were, and you don't know whether you can or want to go on from here, without her. The question is, then, where do you want to go from here?"

[Sir Guy of Gisborne.]

"It is... Hard to talk about."

Of course it was. Gisborne had bottled his feelings up for so long that every single emotion had turned from anything positive that might have been a virtue, into anger, and hatred. He considered anything that might have made him appear a good man as a fault, or a flaw. The Sheriff did not look kindly on those with flaws, especially in Gisborne. Vasey had been looking for ways to attack his right hand man for long enough. Sir Guy could not give him any ammunition against him, for fear of losing his job, and any respect that the Sheriff still had for him, for good.

"She refused anything that I tried to give her. I lavished her with gifts, presents, and she threw everything back at me, taking my enemy's love instead of mine. She had to be mine. Marian could belong to no one else. I would not have it for her."

Clearly he was professing that he had tried to control her, and make her his own, although far too lost in his own thoughts to take any comment or notion from Tuck, at this moment in time.

"She was the one person keeping me sane. I would not - Could not - Let Hood have her. I'd rather she die."

Gisborne growled coldly, his tone and personality flicking from vaguely calm and open to comments back to cold and ignorant of help, and those who might have listened to him, had he given them the chance.

"I am weak. I would rather take my own blade."

Sir Guy spat.

[Tuck]

It was easy for Tuck to see how difficult it was for Sir Guy. It was like he was trying to exocise a demon, getting things out of him. "Sir Guy ..... some people go through life trying to please everyone, which of course is an impossible goal to trey and achieve. However, what you were trying to do was almost as much an impossibility. On one side is what you were willing an able to show Marian .... a more compassionate, a more emotional Guy of Gisbourne. Then there is the cold and hard Guy, to which any positive feeling or emotion is simply a flaw that needs to be overcome."

"Those two things, pleasing both the Sheriff and Marian, were impossibilities. You had offered yourself to her, but I have a feeling that you may not have made and out-and-out commitment to change. But, whether it be the Sheriff or her, it was still yoour choice to make. And then she took the choice away from you, by selecting Hood, the worst possible choice in the kingdom that she could have made. Since she had taken the choice away from you, you responded by taking the choice away from him, not knowing that it would likely destroy you .... for you to destroy the one thing you loved.'

"By stabbing her through with that sword, it was if you had run the sword through yourself, wasn't it. For you to survive this you must seek penance from somewhere, somehow. I believe it would be best if you asked forgiveness of her through prayer and through the Church. However, if you have a better way to seek it, then my son, take it. If you aim to take it by taking revenge on Robin Hood, himself, think hard upon what you are doing, since such a thing would never be approved of."

"Besides, my son, once you have completed the deed you will see that the satisfaction will be fleeting, and the emptiness in your soul it will cause will drive you simply farther from your God, and from the person that your Marian may have thought you had the potential to be. In the end, though, it is your decision."

Tuck shook his head in disbelief. "Surely Guy you have always known that people can be bought and sold, but their affection cannot be purchased so lightly and so easily. I think, Guy, you of all people, are putting far less of a value on life, including your own, that it deserves." Tuck stood back, not knowing whether any of his words had penetrated that tough exterior, and whether it was a losing effort to turn Guy in a better direction. At the very least, though, he had picked up some useful information about Guy and his past.